*MS JLYN*

END TO THE END...........

When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel that today was
going to be any different than any other. Well, it does
have some signifiance to it now. Lately I've been coming
to terms on how I felt about Leroy. I just got to the
point where it was just.....nothing. I've known him
forever it seems and things could have been lovely, but
some folks just don't do right. Ya know! Anyway, he called
out of the blue, like he always does. I mean, what does he
expect from me? If he called me on a regular basis, then I
wouldn't be so snappy when I talked to him. But because he
calls when he wants to call as though I'm suppose to take
that one call and be content forever w/ it, I can't be all
happy go lucky w/ him. He just makes me mad the way he
thinks he can do that. But I know I can only be the blame
for a lot of the shit he does.**A NIGGA ONLY DOES WHAT
FEMALE ALLOWS HIM TO DO** But despite that, if he cared
about me the least bit, he wouldn't take full advantage of
it. Anyway, to make the story short.....I think it's fully
dead. He's still cool people or what not, but it's
pointless to keep coming around each other as though there
are still feelings there from either of us. In my heart, I
love him to death and wanted to be with him, but most of
my mistakes dealing w/ him dealt w/ my using my heart,
which is something I can no longer do. I don't deserve to
be treated like I'm second best or some chick on the side.
That's just the way I felt about the whole thing. I feel
like if I have to stop and think about someone's
intentions, then more than likely they are being wrong.
Just the fact that when I think about him coming to see me
and turning around to see someone else.....it's not
suppose to be that way. Even though he's not my boyfriend
or anything, you just don't do stuff like that. That's
just out of respect.....something I don't think he ever
had for me. When I say "ever" I really do mean that. If I
think about things from the beginning, it's always been
unfair to me. He's always done wrong to me. And the thing
that makes me upset about it is that he doesn't think he's
wrong. If you asked him, I honestly believe he would put
everything on me. It's funny, but at the same time I'm
like.....what! But I think it's really dead now. It's the
end to the end of letting anyone have me like this. I
don't fault myself at the beginning because I was naive
and was sooo in love w/ him, but I should have done or
said something a while back. I guess I didn't say anything
because I kept telling myself that he would one day
realize that he had himself a good girl. I was down for
him...whenever for whatever!! Just the fact that it was
all for him......like I said....whenever for whatever. But
I guess this ends the long story book of Leroy. I won't
stop talking to him all together. If I see him on the
street or something, I'll speak. It's not on that type of
level to where I hate him or anything. It's really not
that serious.Anyway, just a lil poem I wrote the other day:

I'M SUPPOSE TO BE YOUR BEAUTIFUL,BLACK DESTINED QUEEN
BUT YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF LIKE A DRUG DEALER FROM A FIEND
AT TIMES I POUR MY HEART OUT TO YOU SO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT WHEN I COME TO YOU LIKE A WOMAN, I EXPECT A RESPONSE
FROM A MAN
I DON'T NEED A LITTLE BOY TRYING TO RUN GAME
I NEED A MAN WHO OWNS UP TO HIS NEGATIVES AND TAKES THE
BLAME
I'M SUPPOSE TO BE THE WOMAN YOU LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART
BUT YOU CONSTANTLY FIND A WAY TO KEEP OUR DESTINY APART
YOU ARE THERE IN MY PHYSICAL NEED BUT NEVER THERE IN MY
EMOTIONAL NEED
YOU ARE THERE IN THE ACT OF "LOVE" BUT NEVER THERE TO RAISE
YOUR SEED
BUT AS YOUR BEAUTIFUL,BLACK QUEEN I'M BEHIND YOU 100
PERCENT
ALTHOUGH YOU CALL ME "BITCH", BREAK YOUR PROMISES, LEAVE
ME---I STAY CONTENT
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN THIS DESTINY OF BEAUTIFUL,BLACK QUEENS
AND KINGS
BUT FOR TRUTH TO COME TO OUR DESTINY, YOU MUST STOP
CORRUPTING THINGS

i won't say that all women think the way that i do
you will find many who seek material rather than really
seeking you
but from those lost souls you automatically label me the
same
not knowing that i'd take you broke over taking you with
fame
you won't let me love you and claim you can't return the
feeling
it just sounds to me that you are a black man who needs
healing
but you can't take advice from me, the true person who
happens to care
because when i want to be with you, you really are never
there
i have every reason to treat you with little to no respect
and let the way you treat me be your biggest regret
but i'm unable to do it in fear of what it might bring
i'm just a beautiful,black queen awaiting her destined
black king.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
your cellphone rings and you see my name on the external
LCD
but you won't answer simply because you know it's me
i'm not calling you to argue or talk any shit
just wanted to hear your voice and conversate a bit
but you don't see it that way, so you gotta be iggin' me
i'm not trying to be your girl, so this isn't how it's
suppose to be.......just off the top of my head.......*J*