Thoughts and Feelings
2003-01-22 05:11:08 (UTC)

What a waste

I went to Savannah this past weekend to see Geoff, even
though techinically we aren't even dating right now but
whatever. So I go down there, all excited about seeing him
and moving our relationship forward. Only to find it
coming to a screeching halt. I've never had to pull teeth
so much in my life...I don't know what changed but we have
nothing in common but sex. And even that was lacking this
weekend. He "seduced" me once the rest of the time if i
started kissing him he pushed my head down so I like a good
woman gave him head to get him going, expecting something
in return. But no...I got nothing, just sex which I wasn't
ready for. So I honestly don't know what to say about this
weekend, I went thinking I loved somebody and come home
feeling empty. And that is a very depressing feeling. I
took an online thing today to tell me what personality
disorders I have, I mean I knew I was fucked up, but
geez...lets see i'm histrionic, avoident, dependent, and
borderline. I guess I can see some of those...avoident eh,
i like to be alone but I also like to be in social
situations even though they can make me nervous...dependent
VERY and histrionic yea i guess I can see that...but its
not that extreme. I really need to call my therapist
tomorrow so I can start going to her again. Especially
after this weekend...I need to get me thoughts in order and
decide where I want to go with my life. I really want to
get to know other guys, go on dates etc. But there really
isn't anyone from OU so hopefully friends can set me up.
So thats all for now, I should've gone to bed awhile
ago...but I couldn't sleep too much on my mind. But if any
of you know of a nice guy let me know, i'd love to go on a
blind date with him.

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