Aunjaleis

Alpha Aunja-leis
2003-01-22 04:47:33 (UTC)

When your good to mama..she'll be good to you....

Currently, I am listening to the soundtrack to Chicago. I
love that movie and the soundtrack is damn good.
Lately, i have been discontent with my life. I really
realized this on Saturday. I had just gotten off work and I
was in the mood to "hang out"-yet it occurred to me that I
had noone to hang out with. Many of my friends have become
part of a "we"-which leaves "me" And the rest - well they
are many complications. I guess the whole situation just
bothers me. I am someone who is a hanger outer..I am
someone who likes to discover new things..and I am afraid
that I need an expansion on my social circle so that I can
make plans for my weekends. Maybe I feel like I am some
kind of consolation prize. Many of my friends, I feel, and
life is after all about perception, don't make an effort to
call me or do things with me. So, like any relationship you
have to spend time together. I think that in the end things
will work out. I just need to think of places to meet
friends. Maybe I find some groups or club or something.
I walked tonight which I haven't done in a while. What I
need to do is study more, but I hate school.
So, I am thinking that I am going to graduate in fall,
mainly for practical reasons..insurance coverage..lol
But, I think that I want to get a woman's studies minor. To
do this I only need 4 more classes. I plan to take one in
the spring, then maybe 3 in the summer or fall, depending
how my student teaching works out. :) I realize that a
woman's studies minor won't really do much for me, but I
think sometimes you should just take classes you really
enjoy. I really like taking the classes. So, I think in the
next couple of weeks I need to talk to a counselor about
that. I also need to take the GRE.
I am reading The Alchemistm and this book is rocking my
world! Mainly because it is talking about one's journey. I
know that my destiny is to be a counselor and deal with
women. I find myself in many situation with women who
always say, "I have never told anyone this, but you are
different.." and ever woman's story I keep -in a deep
place..and it is during these times that I know that my
life hasn't been in vain, everything has happened for a
reason and I don't realize it til later. Then, I am like oh
wow, thats why I went through that..About 2 weeks ago this
one women, who shall be nameless, told me about being
abused by her husband and she has 2 kids and she is like
25. SHe was fearful of her future, etc. Well, I always feel
that people have these preconceived notions of me. I think
they think I have had this great childhood in the suburbs,
etc. So, when I feel like it is the right time, I usually
say listen this is what I went through, this is what my mom
survived..you are strong -you are woman-
When I began with this woman she was broken, but by the end
she had some hope cause I was like sista..you go -don't go
back to your husband and let him kill you-you get your
children and your bags and don't you look back. I suppose
that is only one moment in her life-but its a start.
I think this is my life and calling and this purpose will
come before everything else.
Although, reading my new book, I feel like one of my goals
is marriage. That is very important. Not to say that I will
marry any smuck...But, at the day it is nice to come home
to a life partner. I feel that you can have a career and be
happy and successful, but life would be so much more grand
to be part of a "we" And I can't wait for my wedding-cause
it will be fun, but I wait for the marriage-the ups and
downs ..and the journey in general.




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