bluemoon

The crazy world of me
2003-01-21 23:57:14 (UTC)

what is my deal

Yeah so I don't know what my deal is here lately. For
one I have been having a typing problem. Then there is
this thing with my right arm,like sometimes I will just be
sitting her and I won't be able to feel it or it gets a
really sharp pain in it. I don't know I think I am dying
or something. Speaking of that I have been thinking about
death a lot lately, not because I am going to kill myself
or anything like that but I don't know. Dying freaks me
out. So I came to the conclusion that I want to die in my
sleep at my house in my bed. I don't want to be dying in a
hospital. I want it to be some place I am happy. I want
to die in my sleep because I just don't want to have to
feel all that pain before dying.
Anyway. I have been thinking negatively not as in
killing myself or someone else or anything like that but
negative as in the way I think of like my friends. I never
thought like this before and now I feel like there is
always someone stabbing me in my back. Why I have no clue
what so ever. Nobody has given me a reason to think anyone
would be stabbing me in my back. I don't know I just feel
like they are all plotting against me or something. I
think my mind is just go crazy on my. I don't want my mind
to get to me though. Does anyone understand what I am
talking about or does this kind of stuff just happen to
me.
I don't know. But like I was thinking one night the Joni
liked Ricky and that this whole time she was coming around
so much because she wanted him. Which is just crazy for me
to think for some reasons I am not going to reveal because
those our Joni's feelings not mine and I am nobody to share
them. Yeah so I told her I was thinking that and she was
like oh my gosh are you kidding me but I wasn't. Maybe I
was thinking that because it seems like everytime he was
over Joni happened to stop by. Like for instance the first
night I screwed him she came over like 5 minutes later I
was just like Joni don't lay down. And she did. I tried
to warn her she just wouldn't listen. I think Joni just
has really bad timing because she always interupts things.
Oh well. Well I guess I am going to go. Bye People!




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