melsbox25

My Life
2001-09-14 01:51:05 (UTC)

Confused

Hi Diary,
Well, even after we talked last night, not about what I
wanted to... but anyway, for some reason, I woke this
morning on the wrong side of the bed. I've been just upset
with the whole world. Went to school and had one of those
days when you're mind blanks out. Almost forgot to pay
tuition...that would have been bad. Couldn't get my
schedule for next term, go figure.
The more the day went on, the more upset, sad, and
depressed I got about Michael. I needed to stop at the
craft store to get some supplies... I wanted to buy more
than just some cardboard and some Halloween cling on's; but
Michael makes me feel so guilty about spending money. I
don't think he knows that he does sometimes... Like when we
were planning our wedding, thats all he talked about. I let
him know that bothered me and he quit. Now things have gone
back to that.
For example... we need a new couch. Ours is falling apart.
So we've been talking about that, but I know if he had it
his way, we would stick with what we got. And a couple
weeks ago, he brought up the thing about houses. I became
really excited, knowing we won't be able to move till the
lease runs out, but still... things like that takes time.
It took forever for my parents loans to go through for
their house.
But when we talk about it, it always turns depressing. Him
saying we can't afford it for like maybe 2 years! Well then
why the hell has he been saving money for? He has mutual
funds, and a retirement fund...and his job pays well for
not being tenored. I just don't get it.
So, I come home all sad... hoping to have some time to
myself, and like 10 minutes after I walk in, he comes home.
So, of course I'm not happy... he's all over me
with "MelBel whats wrong?" driving me insane.
I cook dinner and we eat in silence, me having not even
spoke a paragraph to him all night. I don't know what to
say... that I'm not happy? that I'm just depressed? that
you're smothering me?
*Sigh* what a mess...