Sullen Girl

A Bird Upon the Wind
2001-09-14 00:15:48 (UTC)

Red White and Blue

Incase you havent heard, tomorrow has been declared a
National Day of Mourning in the US. To show your support,
and honor the lives lost pleae wear red, white and blu
tomorrow, ok???!!!

Now my journal. I am so god damn tired. Remember that day I
thought I didnt have to work cause schools were closed, oh,
well we did. So since my dumb ass stayed out late, I then
was called into work bright and early and I am just so
tired. From everything. I mean, I dont think anyone really
understands how hard it is working with and keeping up with
20 damn 4 year-olds. I come home everyday and completely
crash on the couch. Then I wake up for dinner and I try to
stay awake so I can fall asleep at a decent hour, but I
swear can only fall asleep on th couch. I can be dead
asleep on the couch, I have to force myself t get up, and
then as soon I get upstairs I cant fucking fall asleep. And
I know its because all I do in bed is think. Worry. Think.
Whatever. I am tired of having no energy. Its like I have
everything stacked against me to make me tired. I have been
anemic forever, and I dont take Iron pills nor do I eat
many Iron packed veggies, and I am depressed which makes
me worthless, yet I am a fucking insomniac. For godsakes.
And then you know what really pissesme off? Keith would
always get upset and give me a hard time if I came to visit
him and I fell asleep. Like he was mad because I wasnt
hanging out. But I mean, I am just glad I can sleep you
know? And I told him that he should be gladm because it
mean that he comforts and soothes me so I can fall asleep
instead of worrying and laying awake all night feeling
lonely. I like laying on the couch watching a movie with
him, and if I fall asleep so what? Why can he just be glad
I am in his arms?

The reason I brougt this up is because Keith and I had a
really good long talk on the phone the other night, and
things were good, and I told him I would come see him if I
got paid this week yadda yadda. Well then this whole
National tragdy happened, and I mean, I admit I havent
talked to him much since. I called him to let him no my
family and I were ok, but then I got off cause I had to eat
dinner. And I called him last night to say goodnight, but I
was really tired and wanted to go to bed while I was
sleepy. So he got all pouty on the phone and I asked what
was wrong and of course he acts like the god damn spoiled
only child that he is and wont tell me. Then I rememeber
that I hvent told him I didnt gt paid and wasnt coming and
I asked him if that was why he was upset, but he said no
and yadda yadda. And then he started pissing me off, you
know? I mean I am tired, thousands of people are dead, we
may be going to war, I certainly am not in he mood for this
shit, so I basically hung up on him. Then today I got a
email from him saying that basically was why he was upset.
That he wants to talk to me about everything going on(which
I dont), and why I didnt tell him I wasnt coming, and I
dont care about him blah blh. Why couldnt the baby just
fucking ask me if I was coming? I mean would that hve been
so hard? Seriously, with everything going on, I just didnt
think to tell him, but had he asked I would have been glad
to explain that I didnt get paid and cant afford to travel.
For god sakes! I get paid next week and can come then. He
is so fucking spoiled. Anyways, thats about all going on
here, except that I still dont have a room and I still dont
have a place for my cat. Just a few stress factors going on
here. Just a few.

Goodnight and God Bless Everyone, dont forget R,W, and B