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2001-09-13 22:48:00 (UTC)

Fuck Everything!

forget it. don't respond. i got two. that's it, 2 responses.
for what, 4 or so days? feels like more than that. but still
only 2 responses. one from a stranger, and one from
Kitty. thank u both for some sort of support. i don't know,
maybe it's that damned plane shit that's got every one
all worried about that and so no one is here for me
when i need them. not that i ever get more then 1 or 2
responses when ever i'm feeling like shit. hell, Kitty
sends me a pick me up and i said i like hearing things
like that and that i still love her and she's the only
thought in my mind, when i already said my thoughts
were all that i had, but she must not have registered all
that. she sends me email about how she's worried
about all these other guys she's met online and how
horrible the attack was. and i'm sitting here like, 'do
have any respons about what i said?' but right now, i
figured why bother. if i said something like that it'd
seem like i didn't care about all those people and i
would sound selfish. but i'm still in my hole. looking for
a hand to get me out. i'm holding my hand out and
waiting for some one to pull me out. but almost no one
seems to care any more. only 2 responses. only one
from a friend. the real problem is i feel so alone at
school. i find it so hard to be myself. people probably
think that this silent version is the real me. and i need
some one. i don't really know how i manage each day.
it's just, no one ever seems to want to love me. i had
that entry up for some one to notice i needed some one
and to be there. and i got atleast 2. but not the right
support i needed from that some one. Kitty, i'm not ok.