confused&deceived

Personal Journal
Ad 2:
2003-01-21 05:58:59 (UTC)

A start

I'm just starting this journal, but I don't know how long
I'll keep up with it. I'll do my best. Recently I just
moved up here to Vero 'cuz once again my step-mother
kicked me out, but no biggie. I get to spend time with my
mom now =P. I am still looking for a job and no luck so
far. I haven't really gotten any where with my business
yet. Still need money. But other than that I guess
everything is going pretty well so far. I've met up with
some family members and some old friends from over 3 years
ago. It's been fun. Been up here about a week and a half,
got drunk twice so far. Not too bad by my count. Believe
it or not Meagan's mom IMed me the other day. It was
pretty kewl. Haven't talked to her in a while. Kinda
missed it. She sent me a picture of Meagan and Kurt. I was
kinda shocked when I saw the pics. Meagan has changed, but
I'm not gonna say in what way. Speaking of her, even today
I'm still fuckin' confused on what happed b/w us. I mean
friend wise. I still don't know what the hell I did. Well,
except fuck over by best friend Jesse. Other than that I'm
not too sure. I don't know why she hates me so but I think
I've gotten to the point where I don't care I just want to
know so it can die, but I guess I never will. I tried to
apologize to Jesse at one point but it was already too
fucked up for it to work. I don't know how I do it but I
fuck over alot of people with out even realizing that I'm
doing it at the time and I kick myself in the ass at the
end, and just about everyone else wants to. I still
remember the good times that we all had and i guess that's
kewl. It' only 12:00 am on the 21st now. I don't know what
I'm gonna do, prolly jus go to bed or sumtin. I got the
phone guy coming in tomorrow to hook up my line. About the
shit I mentioned above, believe it or not I think about it
every day almost. I dwell on the past way too much. I with
I could change everything. There's alot of other shit I
dwell on but all I do is end up getting depressed over it.
I'm sure it will come up later, prolly in another entry. I
need to get some fuckin' medication. LOL. I guess I’m
gonna watch some TV and pass out.


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