lilmissnorti

Stuff...
2003-01-21 04:35:05 (UTC)

moving on.......?

its official...i'm moving out...when and to where yeat is
still a mystery but everything is going for the simple fact
that Leigh cannot share himself or anything with me...he
has been holding a grudge against me for so long (that i
didnt even know about until this week) so apparently theres
no hope and never was any to have a friendship or a bond.
if mum knew this, why didnt she say anything instead fo
elaving me think everything was ok...why did they wait for
so long to tell me the first time...and this time about the
cancers and her condition...did mum herself not love me
enough to know the truth or did she love me too much to
ensure i lived a normal life...if the latter were
true...i'm suffering more now then ever.

why is it always me who is left out of the loop...at work,
school/uni, even home...what have i ever done to be denied
the right to information, especially when it concerns or
affects me directly. i'm sure leigh would use this
argument if he could...but since he violated it to me..i
did the same...not to stoop to his level no...cos he was
still shitty at me from being honest like hell was he going
to take what i had to say lightly.

i loved my mother very much and i hated to see her
die...all i have left is memories, unanswered questions and
a lot of hurt. i always wondered while attending church
why god would let so many bad things happen to someone he
apaprently loved...me...then after my mum and 'dad' had
heaps of fights (even after living separate) we moved away
and i could not go to church anymore...only from then did
things go very much downhill...is it my punishment for not
being able to keep my faith (even when my faith was
failing...how could an almighty god let so much bad stuff
happen)...even to this day and after trying church
again...god to me is a fuckwit...hes torn apart my life
many times, hurt me so many more by letting me down and now
has the most precious woman in the world to me for an
angel...its unfair i say...downright unfairand theres
nothing that anyone, not even god could do to save me or
anyone.

enough on religious shit...i stick by something i
heard...religion is just an excuse for people to be mean to
each other...i mean look at israel and palestine...




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