lindsay ann

somewhere in between
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2003-01-21 03:14:55 (UTC)

the worst

the worst thing going to bed feeling melancholy...and then
having a horrible dream and waking up depressed. no joke, i
cried when i woke up this morning...that's how overwhelmed i was
by this stupid's how it went...

i was standing outside with matt and kevin, and we were standing
in deep conversation right where joe and i were last night. in my
dream, i kept checking the windows and doors to see if anyone
was spying...and all of a sudden a kid came toward us and he had
a gun in his hand. he started pointing it at matt and kevin and
pretending to shoot them. for some reason, he didn't actually
shoot them, but he scared them enough that they ran inside the
house. i was all alone inside and it was dark and this kid started
shooting at me and bullets kept grazing my ears. i knew i had to
defend myself, so i started kicking him and hitting him with a
snowskate (which had been on the lawn for some reason). as i
was hitting him, i realized it was hunter armstrong...that 9-year-old
from church...cheryl's kid. anyway, i kept beating him and he
fought back until i kicked him in the face, and he hit the sidewalk
and his head cracked open and i saw a thousand pieces of this
little boy's body shattered on the ground. his teeth started rolling
down the street and all i could do was run inside...everyone in my
house was asleep...i guess it was new year's, cuz all those people
were just sleeping on couches & the floor...random...but yeah. i
was all alone, though, so i just sat on the porch and watched as
the sun came up, and finally at about 6 am some lady drove by
and noticed the body and then the police came and picked up the
shards of was so so traumatic...and the cops started
comforting me and telling me i wouldn't even be tried since it was
self-defense...but i couldn't stand it so i just rolled myself into a
ball...and woke up...and freaked out. i killed someone. someone
young & innocent. i don't know how that relates to my life right
now, but wow.

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