Malena

Living on love
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2001-09-13 08:24:03 (UTC)

Enough please?

I woke up quite early, too bad, cause these last days went
by so incredibly slowly. I didn't have a piece of mind at
all and I'm dying to be able to function normally again.
Monday I'm gonna go to work again, the kids will need me to
be the happy person I always was, please help me and give
me the strenght. I didn't even tell about them yet, it's
just because you're the one whose on my mind all the time.
I even started to think that I might give up my danncning.
Just because I don't believe I can enjoy it as much as
before anymore. I believe you left bacause of it, so now I
really have mixed feelings about it. Why haven't you asked
me to quit the dancing? I don't know if I would've done it,
but I sure could've tried to do it less..... Just asking, a
simple question. Why do I wanna dance so badly, I almost
hate it now. So what do I do? I've been thinking yesterday
and I told myself that if in two months I'm still having
this much of a hard time, I would go away. Very far away,
somewhere noone knew me and somewhere I wouldn't have
memories of you. Nowhere near you... Even though I don't
beleive in out of sight and out of heart, but maybe just
maybe it might help. I had a bad sleep and tomorrow you're
coming to pick up your few last things. I'm wondering if I
should be here to see you a last time or that I would be to
emotional again. maybe I should just let you do it yourself
and come back when it's done. That way I won't have to see
you come and go again. Then again, sometimes I believe that
I have to be very hard on myself to see and feel things the
hard way so I can start to see and understand that it's for
real. I still can't beleive it's over and I still think
that he'll be back somday soon, but will he? I have so much
hope and faith inside me, that's exactly what's killing me
inside. Tell me that you don't love me, tell me that you
don't love me and I'll know, just say the words out loud
please? I asked you this the day you told me you were going
away and you said you didn't care what I needed, you didn't
want to help me out. All you said was let me go and shut
up. How could I accept that....I walked out in the middle
of the night, not knwing where to go...ending up at friends
across the street. I was so upset, but then again I went
back knoeing that I can't let someone worry about me being
all right or not. I shut up, told you a few things the next
day and decided to shut up for good. I'm letting go in a
way...in mind I am, my heart won't let go though. It just
won't, how can I tell my heart to finally let go of you.
Even though it's broken it won't let go of you...HOW DO I
DO THAT???? HOW?


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