nin137

Nick's Journal
2003-01-20 05:14:33 (UTC)

That Song

You know that song? or rather for me it's a cd......that
just reminds you of great times. a "golden era" in your
life. i mean really none of our lives suck at present and
i'm sure they'll never get too horrible, but it seems no
matter how old/young you are.......after the age of 16 you
have a "golden era". well i have a cd that makes me think
of mine. yeah it's pathetic, but hey......it's shawn
mullins, soul's core. for some reason when i listen to
that (and i have for the first time in 4 years), i am
transported back to the year i lived in austria.
we had moved there during my junior year....at first it was
the worst thing that ever happened to me, but then i just
didn't give a fuck.
i got to know all the international students and just made
some incredible friends that i know this ridiculous,
racist, sorry excuse for a college will never be able to
offer. these were people from every corner of the world
who were just so incredibly nice. what i hate about the
people here is that they're all so set in what they have.
they figure, 'well i'm in the states, i speak english, i
have it made'.......they just aren't open to others.
anyhow, i'm getting off-track.
these people i met, are people that i never would have been
able to meet had i never gone. and the fact that it just
occupied one year of my life (regrettably my dad had to
move back to the u.s. after one year), it just sorta has a
halo effect about it. it is truly frozen in time for me
because i haven't had a chance to fuck it up by "going back
to it". one of the best quotes i've ever read was by
michael chabon (who's a great writer, thank you dave for
introducing me). what he said was, 'once you feel the
feeling of nostalgia, you know that you shouldn't go back,
becuase you're gonna fuck it up'......course he was a bit
better at wording it.
anyhow, by being in austria and just giving up on
regretting my forced movement, i just adopted an attitude
where i didn't care whether or not i made friends, and i
will give you this hint of advice. if you go around just
not caring about yourself for once, and just caring about
talking to others you'll be the most popular person alive.
i swear. if you stop combing your hair or smelling your
own pits to take one second to tell a girl she looks nice,
you've just made a friend (unless you're a disgusting
creep). if you'd just shut the fuck up about your own
interests and listen to other people you'll make so many
friends you won't even be able to imagine.
im usually chastisized for being too quiet. it makes
people uncomfortable. but 've definetly noticed you learn
a lot by just listening, and at the same time you make
yourself pretty interesting by acting reclusively.
anyhow. today i rode around in my car listening to this
cd. it was freezing fucking cold. testicles jumped out of
my mouth when they touched the seat. and as the fog flew
from my mouth to an indetermined rythm, i felt the music
just sort of absorb me. the cold transported me to the
weather in austria. the times that i missed the TRAM and
had to wiat around in the subway station.
the times i stayed after in the only year i ever joined
clubs. i joined them and got so much out of it. i
remember walking home to the twilight as i met caroline. i
remember a lot of things when those songs play. and i'm
not sure if i feel sadness or an incredible sense of
gratitude when that feeling courses through me.
from the images of beat red faces defined through the
cold. to the shouting of instructions during our
production of "the rocky horror picture show"...........god
i miss that time. i wonder if anyone else ever feels like
i do.
just one day go back to that time. just for 24 hours.
knowing how great it was.........and just reliving it for
all it's worth. but then again........i guess i'm glad i
can't.


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