Tight719's Girl

This is ME
2003-01-19 04:48:43 (UTC)

I wanna go home

Saturday night. Its saturday night, i haven't worked on my
stupid english paper all day. I have been working hard to
finish the chemistry that i have due on Sunday so that i
can go home for the long weekend. BUT no. its fucking
8:45 at night and im still fucking here. i hate being so
bored with something that i really have to do.

i want to be at home. yeah that place that makes me crazy
beyond my breaking point. yeah. that place. i dont feel
so overwhelmed there. its like im in high school again and
im just need to finish work before i go back to school. no
biggy, with the rest of my life still ahead of me. Not
really much of a difference here, except that im alone in
my endeavers and there's no comfy kitchen to make those
lucious late night snacks in.
I am seriously thinking of changing my major. this stuff
is so hard. the biology i think i could handle and the
math i can handle its just this fucking chemistry. i hate
it and i hate it with a fucking passion. it makes me feel
worthless and like i have chosen an unattainable goal.
FUCK chemistry. sometimes i just want to be a "homemaker".
you know. and not have a job but to keep my family sane and
healthy. but, then i'd fall into a category that i swore
to myself i would never be in.

Truth is i dont know where this college thing is leading me
anymore. Its making me feel like i am not going to make
it. and its killing my drive to be the only thing i have
ever wanted to be. Med school isn't too far off.....but
the way things are going, i may never get there. A true
but harsh reality that i haven't yet come to terms
with......one that i dont want to even think about.
i keep telling myself..."dont worry about it. Keep trying
you'll get it." but almost 8 hours later....im still in
the same position i was when i started.

Sometimes i just want to quit. Sometimes i want to stare
at the problems all night until the "light" turns on.
Sometimes....i just wanna go home.




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