POKEAHARDASS; an X-treme tale
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2003-01-19 03:25:38 (UTC)

call me X........

Call me X....... almost every one dose. Only a few of my
female friends and my family use my real name, and they
usually shorten it and that won't do. I decided to start
this online confession because I am tired of no one
knowing who I am. Every day it seems like I could be
killed and my only real fear is that when I die I leave no
legacy, granted I am only 19 but allot can happen in just
under 20 years. So We'll start on my particulars, in
an argument once i was called a thrill seeking adrenalin
junkie who has an insatiable hunger for the big breasted,
that which I have never seen or done before, fast cars and
the feeling you get when you have gone too far. I'm
obscene, vulgar, insensitive, materialistic, cocky,
conceded, brooding, self conscious, paranoid ,
egotistical and brash. Ergo , I am the perfect man. I am
by no means a good person mind you. Nor do I pretend to
be. I just pride myself on being interesting and not
regretting a thing, I say what I think and do what I want
and never think twice. But like most people who do this I
can't avoid hurting people and as it seems the ones I hurt
most are the only people I love.

Now on to the people in my life, there are my mother and
father. The last two people in the world who should have
gotten married but after 20 odd years they are still
legally married, they just don’t live together or speak if
they can help it. My father is a genius work-a-holic
hermit and my mother, the worlds laziest under achieving
creative bar hopper. So together they spawned a creative
intelligent lazy loner of a son. I have one grandmother
who still breathes and eats but for most intensive
purposes is very much dead, its sad to watch a woman who
wrote books, taught herself the computer at 65 and ran her
own research business meander around aimlessly and
couldn’t tell you how many children she has. My mother
has a cousin named Shela, who has two daughters Stacy and
Shannon, who each have two daughters of their own destiny
9, Alexis 6, skyler 1 and hope 10 months. They are
unlawful, immoral, vulgar, crass, dishonest and petty,
ergo.... they are some of my favorite people on earth and
the bulk of the people I love by choice.

As for friends I have dozens of acquaintances but only a
hand full I would call friends. Alot of people drift in
and out of my life so its very necessary to keep my
distance from them. My "best" friend is some one who’s
family is a fucked up as mine but luckily they live in
another state, that would be David. Hes a hermit movie
junkie who got me hooked on his drug of choice so I have
to keep him around to keep me hooked up with the best
underground cinema has to offer. We've been friends.....
or what ever you call us off and on for about 5 years,
we’ve been roommates, classmates and discriminated against
together . So no matter how hard we fight, we’re bonded
for life

Now of course for any healthy attractive 19 year old there
are women. And honestly I’ve had my share, but only a
few merit mentioning. Lately I must admit I’ve been off
my game and actually gotten shit on by one, a 4 foot 11,
90 pound pixy who chewed me up and spit me out and all I
can do is laugh at it. Hey its funny..... What goes
around comes around and all that jaz. I guess I was to
harsh to her, or she wasn't attracted to me or she gets
off by hurting guys or SOMTHING, I don't worry about it
much, we still talk sometimes, but no matter what it'll
always be there between us and I doubt that I could ever
REALLY trust the foxy ass little bitch, despite how hot
she maybe.
But out of all the ones who’s names I cant remember or
even the ones who's faces i can't remember AND the tiny
little hell sent succubus’ the one that matters most is my
Kris, some one who takes me for a rollercoaster ride
every time I think about her and with the face of an
angel, a voice like raw emotion and not to mention boobs
that make you want to send her mother a thank you card
every time you touch them shes on my mind a lot……. ALOT. I
have gone from not caring if I talked to this girl again
to going almost a year with out sex for her, and I mean
that. Like 9 months and not even a blow job! And there
were offers believe me, but I only wanted Kris and she had
had a traumatic experience and was scared so I held out
for her, not any more mind you. Its not that we have
an “open relationship” its just we don’t talk about it.
We both look for other people but I don’t tell her and she
doesn’t tell me. Its hard for me to say it and even
harder to feel it but…… I love her.....I really love her
and it scares the hell out of me. We don't speak often,
couple times a week maybe, I think largely in part cause
maybe she's scared to, or maybe shes tired of me. Or
maybe she wants ME to Call her for a change, but as
tough as I am and as tough as I act, that girl could
bring me down with out ever even raising her voice. I
never liked loving her, and part of me hates her for
making me, but when I fill up with rage and malice at her
for it and I’m about to blow up at her, she sends me a
picture, or tells me she loves me and I completely forget
how to feel bad or angry at all, even if for only a
second and then all I can do is be thankful that I have
her in my life, and love her for the grace she levees on
my soul and the smile she levees in my heart every time I
talk to or see her. But I guess its gods joke on me, I
realized not long ago that we can talk and make out and
fuck if we want but I know that she’s gonna levee. Be it
for school or what ever, nothing good lasts. I was born
for a life that people will call great, a life that
people will envy, but I’ll have to live it alone and
right now as I think about her all I can say is they could
have it if I could just have Kris.

Now I don't know how long i am gonna stick with this, but
know this. Every day I’ll fill it with ups and downs that
will make you love me or hate me but above all else it
will make you know me, and as far as I am concerned
junior.... thats all that matters. I'll rant about
politics, cars, tits, movies, booze, wrestling, shit that
don't matter, tits, TV, music, current events, penis size,
working out, tits, clothing and what ever comes to my
mind. So stick with it

Pay Up Sucker!