dyin4coco

Tula's half-assed journal
2003-01-18 20:06:58 (UTC)

Im Down

well im down...and ur killin me... listening to
goldfinger..its been a boring day..all of christas a/m and
her journal is like "i wanna hang out w/ som1" and i ask
her to hang out and shes like nah i dont feel good. eh w/e
i guess shes not in the mood 4 me...called chels but my
moms being a pain so i cant talk to her w/o yelling the
backround...this is very werid but i actually want to talk
to sunshine right now...hes not on damnit but hes marcs
best friend and i just wanted to ask him something...lately
ive been feeling like pathetic in a way cus lemme think of
a time...ok i was at seans and we were just hangin out and
talkin to ppl online and i was talkin to marc and i told
him to call me and he goes "why?" as if it never occured to
him ugh...its like idk maybe i just like to talk to my bf
god... i made an a/m about it:If I told him wat i wanted
to...Id tell him how he makes me feel....every time he
smiles that not so innocent smile...turns slowly and walks
away...breaking my heart every time...i feel so stupid and
pathetic...i love him so much and yet it feels like i like
him much more than he likes me....idk i just need to see
him again...maybe i will tell him who knows...

anyway i think i have to do soething w/ my dad today ugh
my moms liek "if u dont go see him he yells at me plz u
hardly ever do." well maybe cus i don wanna. all he does is
buy me crap and send a paycheck ugh and if he knew half the
stuff that goes on in my life hed flip out. I cant talk to
anyone in my family and have them understnad me...maybe my
mom once in awhile but thats it. i wish i had a older
brother or sister i could talk to, but then again thats wat
my friends are for. i love my friends. i never realized how
much i needed them...well i just found out im goin w/ my
dad tomorrow cus hes sick or somthin so ill think ill call
som1... ill write later...maybe tomorrow




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