Kat Eyes
2003-01-18 20:02:27 (UTC)

january 18, 2003

i hate my life. seriously. and this whole blake sitution
couldn't be ANY worse. he likes tata! TATA!!! MY TATA! my
good friend tata. i mena god why doesnt he just pull out a
gun and shoot me? i did have a very good conversation with
winter lats night though, and she asically told me that by
him liking tata hes trying to cover up for the fatc that
hes gay (something he won't admit to himself yet) and that
he wants her to give him head-thats why he lkes her. and
his feelings are most definatly lust-not love. she's been
w/ me thriough this whole thing and helping me pick apart
this whole scenerio. and shes so good at it. people would
normally look at winter and i and wonder how we cna
possibly be the friends that we are, because we're so
opposite. but we get along great.and she helps me through
everything that i go through. so she said i can come over
to her place today and we can to a tarot card reading and
stuff, b/c i wanna know if blake will like me again some
tme in the near future. and i want that to happen. even
though hes putting me through all this, if he called me
right now and said i want to get back with you, i'd jump.
and thats so sad. after all hes put me through! ok, chage
of subject b/c believe it or not my life doesnt revolve
around blake.
i got sick on friday! i was SO pissed. i woke up / a sore
throat and it was WAY bad. like eating is torture. and as
friday progressed i just felt worse and worse. to the point
where when i was in algebra, i was just crashed out in my
book. jourdan felt bad for me, b/c i apparently looked
really bad or i had depressing vibes coming from my very
being, which could very well happen considering the week
i've had. jourdan and i are really close. i don' share
every single solitary thing with him, but we're lose none
the less. hes my supposid "twin" (even though hes black, 6
months younger than me and looks nothing like me what so
ever)we like alot of the same stuff and we're just good
friends. hes so great. but yea i felt really bad by
algebra, so when i finally got home i just changed lothes,
made hot soup, got online and then laid down for awhile. i
do feel alot better today though. my sore throat is gone (i
can eat again!) but i'm so conjested that i can barely
brethe and smell anything. which i can live without. and i
can fix my nose and chest. thats ok. o! i got new contacts
on thursday. apparently i have astigmatism, and i can't
wear acuvues anymore b/c they're not made for astigmatism.
so i have this new brand, and i can see clearer, but the
lenses are UGE and i can fele them in my eyes. not a pain
type feel, but i can sense their presence. and that bothers
me. and my eyes dry out really easily with them on. we were
working on our dance final out on the pep stage (which is
in the sun) we were out there for about 40 min, and i had
left my sunglasses at home. omg i thought my eyes were just
gonna fall out. so shina let me borrow her glasses (shes
really funny) exams/finals are in 2 weeks. i have to start
studying for spanish, bio and algebra. i left my spanish
folder in my locker, so i can't make flash cards this
weekend. and i 4got to pick up the handout on our ceramics
essay which is due this friday. so basically all i have to
do this weekend is algebra homework. dad and i were
supposed to go to six flags today, but i didnt feel like i
could handle it b/c of my throat. i mean riing roller
coasters = screaming. and screaming involves my throat,
which hurts.so yea, i didnt wanna go. we have moday off to,
which i normally woudlnt complain about but i dont wanna
sit at home and be sick and i want something to do! plus i
found out yesterday that claire rohan died...on my
birthday. she has had cancer for a long time and she gave
it a good fight. i guess it finally got her. her sister
left a message on the answering machine, giving me the time
of the viewing, ceremony and stuff. i'm only going to the
viewing. i dot really want to go to the mass or stay for
the rosery. she did alot for mom and i though. she taught
me how to read and do basic math. she wa great. well i'm
gonan get going b/c gandma and grandpa are supposed to be
home soon and they'll prolly get pissed that i'm online, so