cheetarah_05

What a place to be
2003-01-18 16:08:57 (UTC)

the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i have ever had

ok...it's like this....i reli do not like my mother right
now...i can't not get in to the details but put it like
this..i am the parent and she is the child. i hate this
retarded shit i have to go through day in and day out. i am
pissed cause my friends are babies and i think they need to
grow up...only a select few i am talkin about. i am scared
to tell people what i am reli thinking cause i have this
mind set that everyone has to like me. i don't kno why but
i just dun like being hated. it sucks. most people do
anyways whether or not they say it to my face or not. i do
not kno why i try to be nice and the people i dun care
about i am mean to. sometimes i think i am bitch for doing
and saying the shit i saw to people..but most of the time i
am not cause i keep quiet and watch. i watch what people r
doing. one thing i have learned from my mother is to keep
my mouth closed and be an observer and you'll see so much
that you have never seen before. i have reli bad trouble
with guys. i set myself up for pain and sorrow. i cry about
it cause i can't help it. i guess it comes with being me or
being a girl. i can honestly say i wouldn't mind dying but
the thing is if i go to heaven or hell. i would like to go
to heaven cause i mean who wouldn't. i'd rather be there
than here. anything is better than here. i am still messed
up from jason dying. i think about it whenever i have to
drive somewhere..and whenever i get scared i pray to him
and God. i don't go to church cause i have different thots
about christianity should be about. that is too long to go
into. my only outlets in life are jen and iris. i reli
thank God that i met iris my life just wouldn't be the same
and i'd be even more fucked up than i alredi am....

i am proud of my self for saying what i felt but not proud
cause i am not doing what i want to do with this
entry...let ppl read it.




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