My Heart and Soul....
2003-01-18 06:30:01 (UTC)


Wow, ok, so I'm a bad person, and I haven't written in like
YEARS! I'M SORRY! I'll try to do better....I just haven't
had a lot of time on the compy, cause my sister and I are
sharing over the holiday, and you know how she is addicted
to this life support.... :-


SOO....a couple weeks ago when amber was here, we were
going ice skating, and wanted to find people to come....i
was kidding around and told her to call David. I forgot
that sara was drunk the night before and had programmed his
number into the speed dial. So Amber calls him, AND TALKED
TO HIM. He didn't want to go ice skating but he told us to
call him later. So we get home, and we're at the pizza
place trying to get Danni's car started...and I
accidentally hit the buttons and called him...he answered,
and I of course....panicked and hung up! I didn't know what
to say, I was so shocked to hear his voice for the first
time in a year, I was speechless....I know
right...me...speechless....A MIRACLE.

Anyway, Amber called him back and talked to him, then
handed the phone to me to try to convince him and Josh to
come over and party with us for Ams going away present. I
talked to him for like 20 minutes, then we came home, and I
called him and talked to them again. I THOUGHT I had them
convinced...but when they didn't show up, I called Josh,
and he gave me some bullshit excuse about why the couldn't
come. So, naturally, I got drunk and tried not to think
about it.

Then.....I text messaged him on accident the next day, and
for a couple weeks we've been text messaging....not really
talking or anything....

Tonight....he called me. We sat on the phone for like half
an hour talking......bullshitting, laughing...... :-D

I'm trying to convince him to come hang out with me
tomorrow. I don't know if it will work...but I'm keeping my
fingers crossed. I told stacey and danni and amber....im
not looking for a committed relationship right now. Yea, I
want one, but I really don't think it's a good time for me
to have one. On the other hand, I don't need another
Andy...who I only call and chat with so I can get laid. Not
a good plan, cause I think that only succeeds in making me
more depressed.

ohhh...what else...

OH YEA! I went back to school this week for like the first
full day since thanksgiving time i think. BLAH. I only went
for two days this week. I had a conference with my guidance
counselor. The only thing i had to do was swtich my english
class from a writing intensive to a literature course.
which makes me happy. Other than that, he's amazzed and a
little upset that I am still pulling A's and B's in my
classes without going. :-D I'm just good like that. I know
I can't make a habit of it.....but I get like this, and
nothing ever has changed that, and I doubt anything will.

uhhmm...oh...i also quit cheerleading. Lots of reasons. too
much stress....and the team sucks. I hate the way they
treat each other, i hate the way they treat the coach, i
hate the way it's not a team effort, it's everyone for
themselves, we just happen to wear the same uniform. I
can't do it. Never once was i made to feel like the
appreciated me and the work i was doing. Nope. I was there,
and I could do it, and that was good enough. Sooo....now im
not there...and they'll deal. I'm not going to bend over
backwards for them when they never acted like they gave a
rats ass if i was there or not. Im sorry...i can't and
won't do it....

i guess that's everything...I have a little insomnia
problem, and I can't sleep. I think I'll go play solitaire,
or read, or maybe work on my paper....something to make me
sleeeeeeeeeeepy....I'll try to keep you more updated,

With Love Always,