2001-09-12 03:25:50 (UTC)

Isn't it funny how two days in a row can suck so bad?

Today is a day that will go down in history i'm told.
Someone said to me today that in 30 years someone is going
to ask me what i was doing the day that the twin towers
were gone and all that i'll be able to remember is that all
day i was a cynical asshole to people. Dont get me wrong it
was kinda fun but i wasnt doing it on purpose. I was
hurting inside and i guess i didnt know how to react to
people. In 30 years if i remember this day i'll remember it
as an angry day well not so much angry at anybody just at
myself.Call it more of a confusion. Last night the girl
that i described in my previous entries i lost. And i guess
i can understand why. She is scared of being hurt again.
Her last few boyfriends were complete assholes to her and
it pisses me off cause she doesnt or didnt deserve that in
anyway. I cant help but wonder if it was something i did.
Although she says it wasnt my fault i can only believe that
i must of done something to scare her away. I wish i wasnt
such a fuck up. Thsi girl actully meant something to me.
Like whenever i was around her i just got this vibe that
nothing could go wrong. Nothing at all.And then the next
day after she called it off look at what happens the
fucking world trade center is in a million pieces. Its
kinda symbolic i guess in a manner. I just wish that i
could of said the right thing to make her want to give me a
chance. I would of said it in a second. I just wish i knew
what it was. I guess i'm kinda rambling on but it
hurts.I've never cried in school before but i did today.
Its a pussy thing to do but i couldnt hold it in. It wasnt
just her, it was the whole situation of my life and
everything going on in the world. I had to get up from the
lunch table and run. Its kinda sad but in a way it was a
form of relief to just get it out. Its hard you know when
you like someone that much and have them tell you that. Do
you wait and see if they will ever come back or are they
just saying that cause they wanted to let you down easy. I
know i'll get shit for it but i dont care cause i'll wait.
Cause i know that she's worth it. I guess this is my
tribute to the girl that got away.......