Niks07

My life in a nutshell
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2003-01-17 21:28:05 (UTC)

Why the hell does he do this to me everytime?......

You know how my last post I was complaining about how
boring my life is right now? Well, guess who has to go and
change that all again! I read Mike's post and well,
basically he says that I'm jealous because he's talking to
izzi all the time now. Hell yea, I'm jealous! He should
know that by now.... and it's not like I mean to be
jealous, it's just that it's been 9 months since we broke
up and to me, nothing has changed. I think that's what made
it harder for me to get over him... or I should say hard
now. We were always friends and just being friends doesn't
feel any different. I don't know, but it's gotten so bad
that I've actually thought about if it would be better if I
weren't friends with him anymore. I don't want it to come
to that though... to get on with my life, I would have to
sever all ties with him. I don't want that! He's an amazing
friend and always there for me. I can count on him. All I
know is that this will take some time.... and even though
my Psyc prof said to give it a year, I'm thinking he meant
a year minimum. I'm just going to live my life the way it
is now and cross that bridge when I get there. Maybe even
burn it behind me.....
I hate being in this state of mind. I've been trying so
hard to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start living
life to it's fullest. I don't believe when there's a
situation like this that happens, that it's fair to me. I
don't know.... I just feel that I need some more closure
from this relationship that we had. I don't know what kind
of closure, but something to tell me that I'll be alright.
Right now, I don't ever think I'll get over it, although I
know I will. It just feels that hopeless.
Anyway, enough about my rambling on and on about my
problems. I guess it was just that I did have my chinese
food today. I don't have to pig out at supper...
I just thought of something.... but it's pretty obvious...
just the fact that I should make more of an effort to just
be Mike's friend. I don't know how that'll work... or what
I mean even, but there's gotta be a difference than what
I'm feeling right now and what I should be feeling... I
just need to get there.

Laterz,
Niks


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