rainbowbrightchica

my diary that i write in when im bored,
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Ezoic
2003-01-17 03:29:36 (UTC)

my hate is so strong.

i have not been this mad... since our last fight. i am so
mad at dad. i *AARGGGGGGG* im jsut SO TICKED OFF. i am NOT
IN A GOOD MOOD i want to hit somethin break a window punch
someone slash my wrist anything im just so incredibly mad.
my daddy and i fight a lot. a lot... i hate it. its partly
my fault because im extreamly disrespectful. but also his
fault because he does not know how to talk. he says all
things the that he *knows* will tick me off. i tell him
they will make me mad and i will end up yellin but he doest
it any way. i can not stand my father. i love him, yes but
i can't stand him. it's crap living with him. everyone who
knows him say's hes nice. and yea to other people... and me
sometimes. and yes my father is nice. but when you live
with someoen. it's extreamly different. i really wish some1
could live in me and feel my emotions and my pain. but no
one will understand me and i dont even understand me.
because i love things in my life. but i hate my life. i
hate it with a passion. a burnin passion. and i can't do
anything about it. tonight... i was cleaning. i had my
radio turned up extreamly loud playing chop suey. love that
song. im shaking with anger... and cold... any way daddy
comes at my door(or as close as he could get) and told me
to turn it down and respect my neighboors i was like "they
dont care they like this music" "then respect your family."
so i turned it down and full force fight broke out. junk
junki and more junk yelling ahh. it ended liek this he ws
sayin somethin and i said "don't say it dad i kno what your
going to sa "he said "oh your physic so that you kno what
im goingto say?" i said "no but i kno the outcome. it will
hurt me nad make me like oytu less and make me yell. whats
that yall said... if you don't have somethign good to sya
don't say it at all." and he wsa like blah blha and i got
really mad because it was something about throwing my life
away and me make bad choices adn i wa alreayd cryin on the
verge of a break down adn i said 'Leav dad. if you don't
leave now i will. i don't want to see your face or hear you
leave." because i couldn't take it any more i can't take
this it is killin me it is driving my body into the gour im
digging m yown grave i can not stand this. i seriously wish
i cold jsut leave this place die anything move i dont care.
i wish i was old enough to move and i had a great job i
would move OUT OF THIS COUNTRY away from my family start a
new life. even if it means leave my friends. i have to. i
can't live like this... it's destroying me. it's destroying
my life my faith... everything. i want to die right now. i
hate this. i need anything but what i have is nothing. i am
cryin endlessly i can't stop the tears the one person i
want to talk to i cant he's not here he lives too far away
i need him so bad. i have to go i feel like im dyeing.


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