Bruce Wayne

Batcave
2003-01-16 19:32:53 (UTC)

Stepson strife

I handle difficult things pretty well. The one thing I
don't suffer lightly is a liar. I know it's part of the
development of a person to try different things but I can
tollerate this no more. Kyle has gotten very comfortable
with lying to get his needs met as it suits him. Very
Machiavellian.

Back in October we had a situation where he stole a beer
from us and drank it in some friends backyard. When he was
caught and confronted he lied. I understand trying to get
out of the situation, but when confronted a second time he
lied again. 3 strikes and your out and he went down swinging We sat
him down and put
it on him. We had all the information and storytime was
over. So he spilled his guts and we talked the issue to
death. We discussed respect, honesty and trust. There was
all this talk about how sorry he was that he violated our
trust. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Here we are in January and he's done it again. Under the
guise of staying afterschool for extra help, he asked if he
could be picked up from school late. It involved me going
to work much earlier so I could leave early to pick him up.
He just wasn't himself when I picked him up. Tight as a
clams ass....he said everything was fine. We both asked him
numerous times and the answer was the same. Nothing's wrong.

Later on he lied to me, in the course of a conversation,
about who he was talking to on the phone . A useless lie
which really confused me. I confronted him about it and he
brushed it off as a white lie. All of the events of the
last situation surfaced and the dead horse took another
beating. I suggested to Robyn that she call school to see
how long he was @ extra help. As it turns out he didn't
even go. He went over to the high school to watch a fight.
It took everything I had not to go to school , yank him out
of class and kick his little lying , manipulative ass.

We sat around the dinner table with the bloodied horse
carcass from the night before and abused it further.
Consequences were doled out and we steadied ourselves to
move on. The following night (after a day of frozen pipes,
and well deserved short fuses), I came home from the
Celtics game and Rob was at the door. I didn't even get my
coat off and I was inundated with the details of her
loosing her shit on Kyle. Apparently he called his father
to complain about the severity of his punishment. Well Mom
flipped her lid and he got both barrels of her anger. Alot
more than he bargained for. I am so fed up with his non-
sense , as is she, and he heard about it. She told him to
pack his shit and get out. It was a long time comming, and
he nearly shit himself. I guess there was no shortage of
tears and backpedaling and then the flames died down.

Sometimes my shoulders ache from patting myself on the
back, but no one else is so what the hell. I have knocked
myself out trying to build a relationship with this self
centered, selfish little boy .We wouldn't have found out
the truth about the beer situation had I not pushed as hard
as I did, and she was angry with me about it. This latest
situation was discovered based on my read on him...not a
bit of credit. I think somewhere in me , I'm looking for a
tiny bit of gratitude for thr thankless job I've done.

I have come to the conclusion that I really don't like him.
I feel badly about that, but it's the truth. He's not a
nice person, he's rude, impatient,lazy and selfish. As if
that weren't charming enough, he's added lying to his
repertoir. I'm frightened that he's got nearly all the
ingredients in the recipie for a sociopath. I'm exagerating
a bit, but it's in direct relation to my frustration.

While I know he won't be moving out, I'm not quite sure how
I feel about it. When he's in a good mood, a rare time to
be sure, he's fun to be with. When he's in his normal
miserable mood , I can't stand to be in the same space with
him. We've worked way too hard on the house for it to be a
place that I can't stand being. I pull around the corner
every night and I dread going inside. The atmosphere there
is heavy, he walks around in a sullen mood all the time.
We've tried to bring him out of what seems to be a
permanent funk with no success. I am a happy person, I
suppose he could be the ying to my yang, where he is
a "glass half empty" kind of person. Things tend to roll
off of me pretty easily, but my armor has plum worn off.

I really don't think he has it in him to change to the
extent that I need him to be able to live with him
comfortably. I can't imagine that he's enjoying himself,
but the situation is well within his controll to change,
and we've made this point clearly to him. I hate to put
this on a 13 year old, but I have exercised every option I
can think of. Now we're going to head into family
counseling. Hopnestly, I resent the hell out of him about
this, but maybe it'll make a difference.

He believes that he is right when all the evidence that is
staring him in the face indicates otherwise. This is not
servng him well and I don't believe that it will later in
life. I am dumbfounded that he had the sack to complain
about the consequences we applied to this situation. I,
once again , feel it isn't stern enough. If ever a kid
could use a whack or two it's him. I'm not a big fan of
that, but I'm at my wits end. I may have a different
perspective tomorrow after a night without him, we'll see.
I can't remember being this angry at anyone , but my
father...that's telling.

I'm entirely disappointed that the relationship is what it
is, I had really hoped for more. We decided not to have
children together based on that hope. At 37 years old I
don't want to be starting with a child from square one, but
I feel unfulfilled to a certain extent. I know that's a
decision that I've made and it's not his fault, but I 'm
beginning to really resent him for being the way he is, in
light of that decision. I'm not asking him to be child of
the year, just a pleasant respectfull person to be around.I
feel like I was robbed of a strong paternal relationship
from my (step)father, and now of a positive child-parent
relationship because of how he is.

No pithy endings today....I'm just plain sad, angry and
hurt.