lee_the_messed_up_punk

my #ucked up life
2003-01-16 18:31:11 (UTC)

spreading hol(e)y wings

11:54am Thursday morning

Work was fine, same old...I actually managed to get
enough sleep so that I didn't feel like passing out in the
washroom today.

After work, I came home, blabbed a bit to Bro on the
phone before walking over to the bank to open my new
account. Unusually, everything went smooth and I even had
a conversation with the teller about how he was arrested
for drunk driving after he saw my 'driver improvement
program', marked license.

I didn't get sent to that course for drunk driving but
I think it helped me in the weirdest way. After our
conversation he noticed that my license was invalid but
said,

'ahhh, I'll take a chance with you'.
(sometimes knowing everything about people you've never met
comes in handy)

For some reason I felt like I was doing something
wrong. Like I was about to scam the shit out of them
when all I really wanted was my own account to step one
foot out of this 'circus' I call my present life.

My mother is highly delusional today and thinks that
someone is behind her and that she MUST leave the house.
She's had three smokes almost one after the other.

Man does it feel good to have one foot out of this...

Like always, I still feel sketchy about moving but
after reading the minutes from the meeting that I missed on
January 13th, my brother already intended to kick me out
and take my place anyways. I predict he'll loose his mind
in less than a week.

I planned on taking a bus to the depot today after the
bank but my eyes are too sore and my account wont be active
for six days. Tomorrow, I'm planning on taking 200 dollars
out of my mothers account, my last cheque being deposited
in it, then going to greyhound to forever change my life.
Forever is a strange word because no matter what you do in
life, things will forever change.

That step you took, that path you chose, that girl you
kissed, it all effects time...

I have so much to do in so little time and already
feeling egsosted doesn't help.

I guess its all about whether or not I should spread
my wings. Everyone thinks I'm insane but I think whatever
I'm programmed to do only makes me appear that way. When
you look deeper, there's always something hidden behind
that face, that style, that person. Everyone is special.

I'd write more but I really need rest before tonight
because I have a lot to think about tomorrow and need a
clear head. Today was a good thinking day but I'm still
off and on with my mood swings, constantly changing my
mind. After I buy that ticket there will be no turning
back. It's buying the ticket that will be the hardest part.

Will see what happens this weekend...

--

As my mother reads the bible loud enough to educate
our neighbors on 'what was writin', I slip my ear plugs on,
blow out my candle and fade away into that odd surreal
place I still call salt city.

lee

odd it is...




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