2003-01-16 14:59:24 (UTC)

January 4, 2003 - First day of this new diary...

Hi, I just discovered this online diary, and I think its
pretty cool. My husband cant find it and read it without
my, Im just starting this diary
today, Im going to go ahead and tell a little about myself,
for whomever is reading this. I am an ordained minister, I
am 25 yrs. old, married woman, with 2 children, Ashlyn, she
is 6, and Jonathan, he is 4. My name is Rev. Myrtis
Virginia Doucet. I am married to a man named Stephen Ellis
Doucet. I will go ahead and introduce you to him since
quite a bit of this diary will probably be about, here we go to start:

January 4, 2003

We'll, today was a pretty good day until Stephen threw one
of his tantrams today after leaving Wal-Mart (my husband).
I wanted a $28.00 guitar today, it was a smaller one, and I
really want one because God has been putting it in my heart
to sing for the last entire yr. I know nothing about how
to play a guitar, but I know I can learn if I try hard
enough and with God's help. BUT, Stephen would'nt buy me
the guitar. But earlier today when we were at his mom's
house, we gave her $40.00, but he can't ever afford to buy
me anything. We have been together for a total of a little
over 6 yrs. and I have NEVER got 1 single thing from him,
for Christmas, my birthday, any holiday, EXCEPT for this
past year, he bought me a new bible and a card for our
anniversary....thats the FIRST TIME that I have ever
received anything at all from him. Anyways, he hurt me
really bad because he said some very hurtful things to me
today, on the way from Wal-Mart. And by the way, Stephen
is the type of person that will say things no matter what,
just to hurt you. He's just that way, but it still hurts.
He said that I was a loser, because I've never finished or
accoplished anything in my life and that Im too stupid to
learn how to play the guitar anyways. He said I was acting
like a spoiled, rotton BITCH because I got upset because he
would'nt buy me the $28.00 guitar, but the thing is,
Stephen has NEVER ever bought me even one single thing EVER
for Christmas, my birthday, or any other occasion at that
EXCEPT on 1 occasion, which was for our anniversary just
this past yr. He bought me a bible and a card. That is
all he has EVER gotton me since we've been together for
almost 7 yrs. now. The thing that hurts me is that he can
give money to his family, he can even buy them Christmas
presents, but he can't do it for me or the kids. I used to
have to work in a strip club to support us all, before he
got a job working offshore, which he works 2 wks. on and 2
wks off. Im getting to where I really actually look
forward to those days he is gone, because he is such a
griper and a nagger that I cant hardly deal with it at
times. But the truth is, I love him very much, and I wish
he would become a better person. I pray that God will
change him into a person that is patient, full of love,
joy, happiness, and peace, in the name of Jesus. Also, I
pray that for myself as well because I do know that at
times, I do cross the line myself, Im not perfect either.
He just makes me sooo fearous at times. It gets to an
intolerant point that I sometimes can't handle it and I
blow up a thim, but I don't say hateful things like he
sais. He sais VERY HATEFUL things that are just
horrible!!! Like the other day, he got mad at me and ended
up taking it out on God. He said, "Fuck you God!", "Dont
you understand I could give a shit less about you!" "I
hate you God!" "The only reason I go to church is for my
stupid little wife, thats liveing in a fairy tale." Just
thinking about what he said gives me shivers and scares
me. Then he tells me things like, "I wish you would just
die, just go get in your car, get in a wreckk and die so at
least I can collect insurance from your death, just make
sure its accidental." Then he gets mad at me on another
occasion and he sais, "I'll throw you off this balcony HEAD
FIRST (off the 3rd floor we live on in our apt), go down
there, I'll scoop up your brains and come feed em' to your
kids. This is the kind of treatment that I receive from
him ALL THE TIME!!!!! It's never got any better, only
worse! Last wk. he got mad at me, and spit in my face, and
I mean, RIGHT IN MY FACE! He got mad and bowed up at me,
but instead of hitting me, he hikes up a loogie and spits
it in my face! He has been to jail several times on
different occasions where he has beat me up, pretty bad
to. Ive had to call the cops and on another occasion,
someone else called the police and theyve came out and
arrested him. And if he goes back to jail one more time,
he is gone for about 2 to 3 yrs. the judge said. Thats why
he wont hit me anymore. He calls me every name in the book
and his favorite ones of all are "Bitch" and "Whore".
Although it hurts, I forgive him for it all the time, for
everything he does, and I continue to get through our
marriage, with little hope and desperation. I know that I
would probably already be gone if it werent for my
children, because I have no idea how I would go about
supporting us because since Im a Christian now, I cant work
in a strip club anymore, and I dont have a degree or
anything to work any job besides minimum wage, and that
isnt gonna support us for sure. I just keep trying and
praying and not giving up because somewhere deep down in my
heart, I still have hop and I love him sooo dearly. I
cannot even think about living without him because I love
him soo much. I will just keep praying and not giving up
and I believe God is going to change my husband into a
godly man of God, who is kind, patient, trustworthy,
sincere, loving, honest, hopeful, and obedient towrard him
as well as to his family. THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER!!! And
I will not doubt the Lord. But anyways, there is a good
side to this day though. He apologized, he said he would
buy me a guitar and karoke set cause he does realize he
sais that he doesn't do anything for me. We'll this is all
about my day today. I love you all, keep us in your
prayers...I love you God, I love you Stephen, Ashlyn and
Jonathan....Goodnight. BYBY and God Bless.

Reverend Myrtis Virginia Doucet

yX Media - Monetize your website traffic with us