The crazy world of me
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2003-01-16 13:00:54 (UTC)

2003-01-07 07:37:36

2003-01-07 07:37:36
Okay kids so tonight I like wigged out on my friend Lakin
and told her how I like cut my leg and stuff. Oh it was so
crazy. It just so happens that when I called her house and
was talking to her that Ricky was over there. What the
heck I swear that kid comes into more things then I can
think of. Anyway I have never felt like that before and I
hope I never do again. That is the second time though that
I have wigged out but this time it was really bad. I hope
it never happens again because I hate feeling that way.
I also cut myself again tonight and I am so upset over
that. I think I am going crazy or something. It scares me
so much to feel the way I fealt last friday and tonight.
Not only that I said I wouldn't cut again yeah well that
just let myself down so much. I know I could never
actually kill myself or anything like that but when I start
feeling that way that made me think to cut myself I get
crazy thoughts like that but then when I do it scares the
shit out of me and I just keep asking myself what the hell
is wrong with you. Maybe I just need someone to talk to or
Well, I was actually typing this on my word and then I
was just going to paste it on here because I didn't want to
be online because I was expecting someone ot call. It ends
up someone did call but not who I thought it was going to
be. It was Ricky; Lakin was telling me how he was asking
what was wrong or whatever but at that certain point of
time I was in my fuck him mood and was like whatever. He
told me he cared before but for some reason I won't except
it. I hate when people care about me because that shows
something. But it is good to know that he does because I
think a lot he don't.
So I ended up telling the kid all kinds of things it was
crazy. I got put in a better mood though. Dude I cried so
much tonight that my eyes burn and they probably will
tomorrow. It freakin gave me a headache. I seriously
didn't think that he cared enough that he would risk
getting in trouble and all that good stuff. I guess I
always think negative to guys because of the past. I have
just know trust sometimes in them. I guess I will have to
get over that some day.
So I guess things are going to be okay between him and I
for now at least. We will see how long that last. I just
get so worked up over him for no reason. Its crazy
Oh and he finally told me what he lied about and I was
just thinking to myself why did you even lie. Why didn't
you just tell me the truth in the first place because it
was know big thing. Whatever though you know. I still
don't think the kid likes me like that of ever has but like
I said maybe thats just me or something.
To bad I got school tomorrow and I haven't gone to bed
yet. I need to do that but I dont think I am. But I am
going to go because I don't know what to write now. C-ya

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