bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2003-01-16 12:56:02 (UTC)

2003-01-03 01:10:22

2003-01-03 01:10:22
Okay so back to this Ricky kid. So I ended up having sex
with the kid and my mom like kind of knew. It was so
horrible and now she like forbids him to come over but I
sneak him in occasionally. I ended up having sex with him
again not to long ago which I don’t mind at all
because
it’s not bad but I think I regret doing it both
times. I don't know
sometimes I think I regret it but than others I am okay
with it. I
guess it depends on what mood I am in or if he is
frustrating me. I
think that it means a lot more to me than it does him. I
couldn’t believe I did it the first time and then
when I
did it the second time I was like what is my problem. I
guess I just get carried away with him when we are messing
around or whatever. I have those times that I would
defiantly do him right there but at those times it seems
like he is like umm no or something but when I am not in
the mood he is and I’m like okay. It’s very
annoying. I'm turning
in to some hornball or something though. But that is a
whole
diffrent story.
So the other day I was talking to the kid and he like
wigged out on me. I didn’t know what to say. He
told me
all this stuff about how he wanted things to be but nothing
has changed. He tells me crap all the time that I am not
sure if I should believe or not. He always says he
won’t
lie to me but yeah we all know how that is. Oh and then I
get this e-mail from him telling me well, let see
I’ll
quote him “you know what Michelle, don’t take
this the
wrong way, but I don’t think but I know I lied to you
about
something. Forgive me if I don’t tell you now, and
maybe not this
week” Okay well what am I suppose to think. He gives
me no
clue what so ever. I mean he could at least tell me what
it’s about or something. I just hope its not
anything
that’s going to like hurt a lot to find out because I
don’t
know if I can take that from him at the moment. Things
between him and I are so screwed up. I hope it is just one
of those little lies that I can get over quickly. But with
my luck its not. Sometimes I think that I wish I had
never started talking to the kid but other times I am
fine and happy that I did.
Anyway there is this guy Aaron who is like my best friend
in the world and I don’t know what I would do with
him. I
love that kid so much its not even funny. He has been
there for me through a lot and right now he is going
through some rough times and he just feels like he is
loosing all his friends which I guess would include me. I
never meant to do anything like that to him but when Ricky
and I started talking and stuff it seems like he just took
over the place of Aaron. It wasn’t just because of
Ricky
though. Aaron started Wrestling and I had a job so we are
both really busy and were lucky if we talk once a week.
He thinks its all because of Ricky but its not. Its more
my fault though then his. I think him and I are on better
terms now. So as I was saying I started to turn to Ricky
to tell everything to but here lately I still am wanting to
tell him everything but it just seems like he don’t
want to
be there to talk to me. Like I said here lately it seems
like he just wants me around whenever he needs some or
wants to talk. I don’t know maybe it is just me or
somethng.
I am glad that Aaron and I are better though because
after this summer he is going into the Marines. Which
sucks so much. I don’t know what I am going to do
without
that kid. He keeps me half-sane and when he leaves I
won’t
have anyone. I mean I will have my friends Joni and Lakin
that
are my best friends too and I can tell them everything too
but they don’t respond to it like Aaron does. He
says that
we will keep in touch and everything but I have had so many
friends leave that I haven’t kept in contact with so
I have
a feeling that things will end that way. I really
don’t
want them too.
Not only will Aaron be leaving after this school year but
Ricky will be too. As much as I really don’t want
anything
to do with him anymore because I am so tired of all the
pain I go through I still want to be friends with him if
not anything else. I just know that’s not going to
happen. If we barley talk anymore while we are in the same
state I know we won’t with him in a whole different
state.
Well, I hope that he tells me soon what he lied to me about
because its driving me nuts. Well, I am going to go.


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