of the last

of the last
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2003-01-15 22:51:57 (UTC)

regular day in the delay after delay world

delay after delay. i was supposed to get the car back
today, no go because they recieved the wrong part. i would
have been hired at blockbuster, but the damned computer
didnt like me and on my personality test said i wasnt
decisive enough, because i didnt do all strongly agree or
disagree instead of agree or disagree. bastards. yes i know
that sounds greedy and spoiled, but hey, i have had my car
in the shop now for over a week that had i the part i
coulda fixed in a day MAX. but my bastard dad basically
wants me to wait or something, or to "learn that thigns
take time" so he told the dude, take as long as want, no
one cares and no ones in a rush to have the car back, im
DAMN YOU!. but he doesnt care. the world revolves, and the
people sure dont evolve. they change yes but dont learn
from the past. humans sit here on the earth, and despite
the constant changes, everything we do is the same just in
a different way. people arent evolving, technology is.
humans are lazy (like myself especially). but hey laziness
is fun.

so i am now annoyed byt the doctor. doctor was just like
look here do this and that and this and another this...and
in the end was like, yep you were right, your asthmas just
acting up, here just get this medication...i was like i
coulda told you what it was but you had to take 30 min to
see me, then another 15 min to get to me, then another 20
just to tell me what i knew. they are all bastards. but
hey, the world goes round. i sat through a boring day at
school getting not a damned thing done but getting told ill
basically ahve 4 quizes tomorrow, damn my fucking teachers
cramming in shit ebfore the end of the quarter. then the
rest of the time in school not spent deciding why i hated
school so much was taken up by thinking about winnie and
what to do this weekend.

im a crazy confused kid. as proven by previous diary
entries, i guess i am like the rest of highschoolers in
some ways, but i KNOW who i am, and WHAT i am and stand
for, i just cant say that i who otehrs are or what they
are, or even if i care. but maybe thats not jsut
highschool, maybe that is just life itself in a nutshell.
people charging around trying to fit in. i guess no one
is "original" or individual. in truth, the only reason we
are who we are or act a certain way is because we want to
fit in. even the people who claim to be punks and against
conformity, how can they be against conformity and yet
still conform to a similar idea of acting and clothing and
music. everyone wants to fit into a group, and if people
fail at one or dont like it, they move to another, and i
guess its good that peopel dont know themselves at this
point. cause this is the best time to actually find
yourself and get to know who you are better. thats what
high school is for, and thats why we are there.
this worlds a cruel one, and ugly, but theres the castles
of hope to find in the world as well. winnie is one of
them, tori most deffinately from when i met her has been
there, as well as rachel and all my other great friends.

i realize that none of my entries ever are even semi
organized or even all the same topic, i go from rage to
depression, to happiness or any where else, and its all
scrambled together. strange life to live with, but soemones
gotta do it.