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2003-01-15 17:18:15 (UTC)

Confessions of a Pizza Inn Employee

To these secrets I will confess
But I give not a fuck for forgiveness or absolution.

The fake smile plastered across my lips is just
that ...fake!
The sweet ,sexy , dripping with sex voice asking you " what
can I get for you or how I can help you today?"The voice that
makes you feel as if you are the only person in the world
and my only goal to please you.Is nothing more than my job,
so do not tell me how sexy my voice is.

Just for the record....
I really hate calls that start out with ,"Can I get or can
I have?"It makes you sound very insecure in your ability to
order pizza. Just once I would like to say ,"NO! No you
can't get or have a pizza!" Also , if you are going to call
in a pizza order.Know what fucking pizza you want to
order.Because it is a big waste of my time while you try to
make up your mind as to what you are hungry for.

Do not call me to place an order and put me on hold.Just
because you have another call coming in.Because guess
what , I will hang the fuck up, and you can waste your time
calling me back.When you call and order pizza for dinner
but your hubby decides to surprise you by bringing home
chicken.Don't call me back to cancel the order.Because if I
already made it and it is in the oven cooking , its all
yours.Besides we all know cold pizza is a quick and easy
breakfast food!

On to things I am guilty of.....
Ok on many occassions I have stood way too close to the
beer man.But is it my fault he smells so damn good and is

Have I mentioned I am highly trained in the art of ass
kissing to make an extra buck or two? Did I mention I know
who the big tippers are and I am not above catering to
their every request, to make extra money. I have also been
know to make "special orders" for my favorite customers.

I view our customers as cattle.Our all you can eat buffet
is the pasture in which they herd through the doors from
open to close to graze.

Ok the chicken delivery guy and the cains coffee man are
way cool.I am guilty of being happy to see them.Because I
know they will put a smile on my face.A smile that is
Mondays ,did I mention I like Mondays? Thats the day we get
our big supply truck.The Norco trucker is soooo fucking
hottttttttttt!He also has an assholelistic, sarcastic charm
about him.We have a wonderful love/hate relationship.We
both love to see who can be the most sarcastic and we hate
it when one out does the other.But damn he is hottttttt!

Now on to things that really chap my ass.....

When you place an order.You are told how long it will be,
before your pizza arrives piping hot to your door.So if you
decide to get laid, don't make me wait at your door while
you are busting your nut! Then bitch at me because your
pizza is cold.So what I am saying is either make it a
quickie or wait till after you eat to fuck!
When I deliver to your motel room, my tip is not your room
key.And your request that I come back after work.Just
because it sounds like phone-sex when I take your
order.Doesn't mean you get a fuck with every pizza
ordered.It's true we are called "Pizza Inn" and our motto
is ,"the best pizza you'll remember!"But we are not "Pizza
Inn the best sex you'll remember!"

All you drunks at the bar, no slobbering or lewd
molestation of myself or any other delivery person is
allowed.I am not your best friend , mother or your
shrink.So don't tell me your troubles or ask me for
advice.Because I will tell you to take two pizzas and call
me tomorrow.

I hate to be called sweetheart,sugar,baby,honey or
darlin'.Those are pet names you can keep to
yourself.Afterall, I am the one feeding you so wouldn't
that make you my pet?I hate to be told ,"Damn, shit
baby ..you have an ass just like my momma...mmmmmmmmm,now
thats what I like an ass like mommas'!"
Cause the way I see it, that makes you one sick mother

And to bring this session to an end......

I hate to be called "Pizza delivery chic/gurl."My name is
clearly printed on my name tag.So unless you are unable to
read.Call me by my fucking name!