The Story of Me
2001-09-11 05:05:18 (UTC)

Growing up is a pain

I had one of those burts of creativity today and decided to
add some more flair to my room. Not like it needs it, it's
pretty unique to say the least. Now the back of my door
looks like some patchwork quilt, it's soon to be the
gallery for my favorite poems, and I rearranged my brothers
room for him too, but a lot of work needs to be done to it,
he decided that talking on the phone all night was more
important. oh well. But in the middle of this burst of
creativity, I came across my journal...and I started
reading it. I laughed so hard. I tended to center my
journal around the boy I was interested at the time, and I
think my biggest problem back then was "he didn't call me
tonight", or "he cancelled our date...I'm so depressed i
could just absolutely DIE right now" I only wish it was
that simple again. The worst possible scenario in my mind
when I was 14 was if a guy didn't say hi to me in the
hallway at school, or if he gave me a weird look if i asked
him to borrow a pencil. Now that's I'm older and evidently
wiser I know that life will never be that simple again.
Right now at 20, it's filled with bills, and work, and
money (which sucks by the way, and everything should just
be free...that is my take on the economy) and family
issues. My mom is threatening me with something, and if i
don't do this something by my 21st birthday, she is
threatening to kick my ass to the road. Too bad I can't
remember what it is that I am supposed to do. Oops. I'll
think of something. And i think it might be to get a job.
Right now, i really don't want one. But then again I do. I
hate being broke, and I would love to save up for a new
car, and to someday move out of here, and I want to go back
to school, and I think so hard about my future that I end
up running from it. I am completely incapable of taking it
one step at a time. I can't just go out and get a job. Call
that step A. Because by then, I'm already thinking about
steps X,Y, and Z.

Anyway, enough of that. I just want to be like 16 again.
Old enough to drive, not old enough to really be on your
own. No school worries, except about the 10th grade. That
would be really nice. So much has changed in 4 years.

And I'm not gonna think about it any more tonight. Tomorrow
I am off to work with my mom. Fun fun. I can't wait. of
course she will come down with her "sometimers disease" and
forget to pay me, think she did, and be convinced that I am
trying to con her out of double the money....parents.
grrrr. Goodnight, sweet dreams. I'll write again soon