listen to my silences
the greatest friend in the world
okay so yeah i have the greatest best friend in the world.
most definitely. no argument.
so here's what happened:
i am trying to get into this intermediate sign language
class. i have to have the instructor's permission because
i haven't had basic sign here. i had a year of it in hs
though so i'm thinking okay i can do this. no problem.
yeah i'll have to work at it but i have a basis in it so
it'll be fine.
okay so evidently sign language differs pretty much
completely in evansville from new albany. lovely. great.
anyways. i walk in the class and everyone's looking at me
like i'm a huge bug walking around or something. i mean
granted i am dressed in a sweatshirt and my hair's pulled
back so i look tired. which i was and am. personally i
don't think that's grounds for that look but whatever no
worries. then the professor walks in and she's like i
don't recognize several people here. do you know that this
is sign language? looking straight at me. so i tell her
what i'm doing there and she's like hmmm... and she asks
the other people and they say they've never had any sign
before and she tells them they have to leave. and then she
says you've had some? to me and i'm like a year of it in hs
i just transferred here from louisville. she says
something similar to well you can stay and you should feel
priveliged (sp?) that i'm letting you because usually i
don't. and we'll see if you really want to stay or not.
okay so yeah i feel intimidated. but whatever right? so
she starts signing and i'm like WOAH. THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
yeah she signs really fast and i'm like LOST! i mean i
could start to get it but then i would miss something or
not recognize it and be totally completely hopelessly
lost. so yeah. but then we start going over vocab and
it's words i've heard and done before. gravy right?
WRONG. the signs i learned are not the ones they use.
it's about half of them.
so she tells me to come back on thursday definitely and
then on tuesday to take the first quiz with them and after
that we can discuss whether i stay in the class or not.
okay i've had classes that are hard but i've never had a
difficult time with anything really. stuff just comes to
me and i work at understanding it. but i've never just NOT
gotten anything. i mean this is DIFFICULT.
i went to eat and then i come back to my dorm room and i'm
so...fill in the blank cause i don't have a word to
discribe it...that i want to cry. so i finish my reading
for another class and then start writing in my journal.
not online journal. it's all made up of letters that i
write to people. and never give them. and about half of
them are to me. hey people talk to themselves all the
time. i write to myself. same difference. anyways i'm
thinking about this and i'm like this is doing me no good.
and i start thinking about what would help and then
i "write" to brodie. and then i think why am i writing why
don't i just call?
so i call.
and i tell him what's going on and he tells me i'll be
fine. and that he knows i'll get through it. and if not i
can give it "the ole college try again". but that he has
faith in me.
and that is exactly what i needed him to say and it made me
feel so much better. and i know i can do it. he wouldn't
just tell me if he didn't believe it. really believe it.
he knows i can and because he knows that i'm okay now.
i guess you just have to know me and him and our friendship
to see how much this means. and how it helps. and how two
hours can suck sometimes.
so yeah i have the greatest friend in the world.
final thought: you can do anything you set your mind to...
(as long as you have someone who believes in you)