futbolprincess

Rest in Pieces
2003-01-15 00:29:25 (UTC)

JEROME!!!

Jerome's cancer spread. Hes supposed to die in April. Life is fucked.
Why is this happening to him. NO ONE deserves this, esp Jerome. I'll
write more another time.

P.S. Me and emily juss talked on the phone about it until about 1 AM
yesterday. nuthin else.

Have you ever cried so hard, u sound like a fuckface? Well thas wut I
did when I found out, I went to my room, and cried as hard as I could
into my pillow, I was screamin and cryin into this damn pillow, and I
felt like a fuckface. But it hurt so bad! So fuckin bad.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~
Aiight its the 16th now: (3 months till my bday, AND JEROME'S!!), thas
rite, we have the SAME b-day. i mos def freaked out. i was liek ARE
YOU FUCKING KIDDIN ME? hes like no wut why? im like thas my birthday.
hes like ALI DON'T LIE. i was like IM NOT LYING!! i dunno why i
freaked out, but damn i got three things in common wit jerome now:
1)The whole name thing wit mom's dad. And u say o well big deal, but
his name was jerome, he died 6 weeks before jory was born, OF CANCER!!
2)His middle name is Jeremy. JEREMY!! MY FUCKIN (other) BROTHER'S
NAME!! OMG!!! plus the fact they they are only a year apart, its
wierd. and
3) The whole bday thing... DAMN!
they say 3's a charm, but maybe im bad luck for him or sumthin. I
always seem to b in a bad mood AT THE SAME TIME when he isn't feeling
well. So then im juss talkin to him, and he LEAVES ME. Today, he
didn't even say bye, and its not like he didn't kno he was leaving, he
said bye to emily, GOD DAMN WHY I ALLLWAYS GOTTA FUCK EVERYTHING UP. I
LOVE THAT KID WIT EVERYTHING. AND I FEEL SOOOO TERRIBLE ABOUT
EVERYTHING THAT I DO. And i feel like im doin it to myself!! I mean i
AM doin it to myself, and that shit hurts, i FUCKIN hurt MYSELF!! and
damn, today, jerome got transfered to 313. REALLY long story, but
bascially he went to chemo, romie made him smoke sum chronic, MADE
HIM, went out partying, jerome left, went home, finally told his bro
(who doesn't talk) that he is dying in april, then he passed out. his
bro called 911 and jerome went to st johns hospital. then today at
like 10 am he got transfered to 313. so thas where he is, cept hes
doin home care at G's house. i met G today- like online of course. hes
nice. I like marcus tho, man that kid is nice as a fuck.
aparrently according to emily, he was trippin about me, but fuck, no
guys "trip" over me (lol sounds funny), but its true. guys juss don't.
im more "one of the guys" then the gurl that guys like. life sucks.
and anyway, i don't liek no one, so i don't care at all. it juss suck
sumtimes, to kno that ther is noone out there that's worth anythin,
that likes u, man its fuckin hard to deal wit. ah fuck it. i'll grow
up never have a bf....... (i don't consider jimmy or dov
BOYFRIENDS)... i'll live, hopefully. unless i get real depressed,
which would most likely suck, and never happen, bcuz friends keep me
sane, and if they don't, soccer does.
I just want to talk to jerome. he makes me feel better. he's one of
the only ones that makes me feel good about ME (except emily, and
max....) thas about it... and hes so nice, and i think i juss fucked
everything up wit him. AND ITS ALL MY FUCKIN FAULT! AND I LOVE HIM
SOOO MUCH, AND DAMN, IT HURTS SO BAD SOMETIMES, BCUZ KNOWING ITS MY
FAULT AND THAT IF I HAD JUSS NOT KIDDED AROUND, THEN MAYBE HE WOULD
NOT HATE ME FOR ME. and man i kno he says he loves me, and maybe
sometimes he does, but damn, it just HURTS!! MAN! LIFE SUCKS..... i
keep sayin it, but only bcuz its true. and school SUCKS too, FOR REAL.
I AM BEING DEAD SERIOUS. School matters too much, and it shouldn't.
and im sick of shit mattering so much, you only live fuckin once, and
jerome doesn't even get to live that long. FUCK EVERYTHING!
peas




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