sp00n

Alphabet Soup
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2001-09-11 01:50:08 (UTC)

Back to Basics

Today I've decided to go back to basics. I will be home
more often and out less...I find that I am once again going
back into the phase where I become depressed and have
little or no care for what goes on around me. I welcome it.
I donot know why, maybe because my life has been to busy
lately and it only seems that I can alleviate this by not
caring. I am planning to work more on my music and
hopefully I can work something out with Lateef and get my
shit together so that I can get a CD out. Not to become big
and famous, but so that I have something to show everyone.
To be able to shove something in everyone's face and
say, "Yes damnit! I have talent!" is all I really want. A
contract would be nice too. :)

I once am having worried thoughts about Mari. I recently
heard she is having problems with her boyfriend. I see this
in a good light and a bad. On the bad, she is unhappy and I
donot want that. Above all else I want her to be happy no
matter who she is with or without. Yet, there lingers a
side of me that wants them to break-up so that I may
possibly become close with her once again. She is the only
one who knows me....the only one who can hear what I say
before I say it. I feel I am only worsening the situation
by recently learing to play our song, "Flames" by VAST.
Everyday she is in my thoughts, good and bad. I hope to see
her again in any case soon when me and Raychel go back up
there. Only time will tell...I think in the end what was
meant to be will be, period.

I've decided to stop smoking weed...it only hurts me in an
emotional sense. The high is nice but then again it all
depends on who I am with and ofcourse hurts my ability to
get a well paying job. I am done. Smoking is another story.
Its really wierd...people tell me its bad but is it really
any worse than the many other things that we do to
ourselves during our life. I enjoy a nice cigarette after a
meal or when I am bored. It is something I want, not need.

I feel as if my head is going to explode. It seems as if
recently I have developed ADD. I can't seem to keep my mind
on track with anything except things I am totally
interested in. At any given momment I could be thinking
about something that is totally unrelated to anything
around me. Sometimes it pisses people off...others just
don't care. Why do people feel that I am to blame for
something I cannot control. I want to goto Plymouth...it is
so much fun in the fall...too bad the coffee studio is
closed...the bean is really to crowded. Ah well.

Time to go...who knows...I may be back later tonight...it
seems this may be exactly what I've needed for a very long
time. Nite.


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