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2001-09-11 01:40:14 (UTC)

Letter to Christian

I miss you Christian. So much. Yesterday I was by the
river, and a song came on the little radio they have out by
there. It was an old school tune babe. Edwin Mccain "I'll
be." Everytime I hear it, it reminds me of the "first"
night. The first night you came over to my house, and we
watched Down to You for the first time. With all of our
best friends, and we became best friends from that night
on. And during the preveiws of Down to You, that song was
playing, and you looked up at me, and I just remember
feeling so safe, with all of my best friends around me. So
yesterday I stood out there, leaning over the railing, and
feeling the song. The wind was flowing all over and around
me, blowing my hair away from my face so I could see the
trees, the river, and the sky. I felt so little and
helpless, so pretty, and so alone, all at the same
moment... Just now I was listening to my music, and "be
like that" by 3 doors down came on. I stopped in my tracks
and almost broke into tears. I remember u telling me that
you were moving at the beginning of the summer. And I
remember not realizing that you were actually leaving...
until the night you were. I had just said goodbye to you,
and this song came on Delilah as I was dozing off. "He
spends his nights in California..." is how it starts, and
when i heard it, i thought of you, flying off to
California. As the clock turned 12, I thought, "my best
friend is leaving me today"... And i picked up the phone
and called Delilah. When I finally got through, I requested
Edwin McCain I'll be. And I dedicated it to you buddy. And
i sat there... curled up all alone, and I cried, hard...
because I realized, that there would all-too-soon be
moments just like there are now. Moments where, I realize,
that your not just down the street, or a phone call or bike
ride away. And moments where I think, that i might never
see you again. I'll love you forever Buddy.