betterthannothing

thoughts of an obtuse nature
2003-01-14 18:24:21 (UTC)

And also...

Shes in the next room over... the next room for the love of
all things and I imagine that if something happened or
didn't happen, I could walk in there and take her in my
arms and kiss her mouth. And I would except I dont know. I
dont know about her. I know about our relationship though
and thats the most important thing that I dont want to
ruin. I mean for godsake. That would be like losing
everything. Because right now, I love her and I would do
anything for her to be here sitting beside me. and
yesterday she was like two inches form my face and I wanted
to grab her and hug her so bad. But we were yelling at one
another so I couldn't. Oh but I could have and would have
been heavenly, like an angel, because of course she is and
I am not. Oh Becky, Becky, Becky. My Becky and her lips and
her hips and her eyes and her lies. And her gigantic butt.
That I love and I love her for her and not some obtuse
reason. Like looks or clothes or money but for how she sees
the world. And thats one thing that is beyond me that I
could love her because there are alot of reasons ive loved
someone and thats what makes me think that shes an angel
because being the individaul was never one of them. And here I am
scrathing my neck and now she's not in my sight and I feel lonely. I
wonder if I ever sang for her. I don't think I did. I wonder about if
I ever sang the song I wrote for her if she would like it. I have
nowhere to go now. why am I here? Just to see her? How ridiculous? I
see Rachel sitting here and from the way she talks like how Rachel
knows her scheduele like I do, I wonder if I'm that obvious? Does she
like music? I wonder if we would like the same music. My hair is up
in a bun, and I wonder if she ever had long enough hair to put in a
bun? I can look at this in perspective so I guess I'm really not that
bad in perspective, but see, I can't look at myself in perspective so
I really don't know. I have issues and I guess the issue is I've
always wanted to be inspired and now I am and why do I want to get
rid of this inspiration? It's beautiful and wonderful and I want to
let myself drift into her and not let go, and let go of my
inhibititions. Why Becky? Why you and why me? Why a woman and someone
not my age, who is a teacher? No. No. I can't let you out of my
sight. You are the sweetest and most angelic thing in this town, and
I wouldn't still be here if not for you.




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