betterthannothing

thoughts of an obtuse nature
2003-01-14 18:01:49 (UTC)

Ugly clothes on my angel

Becky... has ugly clothes. And I told her yesterday...we
had an "encounter" I can't look at her without thinking
damn... those clothes are ugly and Im thinking that I must
se her today and somehow apologize for what ive said in a
way that wont make her think she was thinking about it all
day yesterday. I love her so much. So much. Its
unbelievable. How can I love someone who has such bad taste
in clothing? I mean for godsake...i mean well, you know
what I mean. BUt just now... I've resigned myself to being
ambivolent. To not caring what she dresses like. And I
think I've become comfortable with being obsessed in a way
thats not creepy but not exactly... exactly. I heard she
was a lesbian and I so hope its true because even though we
dont have a chance then its completly possible that we
would habve a chance if I was older or if she was younger
but it would defiently have to be me being older because I
know for a goddamn fact that she wouldnt be as interesting.
Or maybe... by a long shot... after I graduate we can be
together and love one another the way people do when
they're in love. I dont want to physically be with her but
I want to lay my head on a pillow next to her and look into
her eyes and speak to her with great brilliance. Wouldn't
that be divine. Divine. To look in my angels eyes and
discuss our frustrations with the world and the beauty it
posseses they way the wind out side my window makes shapes
that make me lonely when shes not here. The way I wish I
could be like her and have so much conviction and meaning
and truth and honor. The way that when the sun goes down
the sky reminds me of her hair and the color that its not.
The way every tiny sign... a stop sign, a purple ribbon, a
large aspen tree is a sign of her and how she is inhabiting
the same earth I am. Watching the same shows and driving
the same road I drive and being in the same building and
its wonderful. It beautiful and crazy and funny and wow!




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