Beautiful Wolfen Soul
2001-09-10 20:03:01 (UTC)

Aching Heart

I love almost everyone who knows me. Online is where I
speak to my true Family. I can forgive others, I can help
them get their second or third or fourth or fiftieth chance
in life. Once, someone even asked me to 'make one of my
miracles'. So I suppose that's what I do. Make mircales.
For other people, at least.
See, I love everyone. And I truely am generally happy. But
have you ever lain awake at night, staring up into the
stars (or at the ceiling, if you don't sleep outside like
me), and you can't sleep, because your heart hurts? Not
your heart in the physical sense. I mean, like your soul.
The part of your soul that loves. That heart. I lie awake,
watching the moon, because my heart aches. I want to be
loved. Not love like I feel for others, the family type,
but really loved.
That's what I want. My heart hurts now, too, from it. I'm
not a weak person. I prefer to avoid conflicts, but I can
readily deal out more pain than most could ever dream of
giving. I've seen death and pain and blood to many times,
thanks. But I'm not weak. So for this pain to keep me
awake, it has to be strong. And it is. Sometimes, I want to
curl into a ball and cry silently. I don't whimper. I'm
above that. But I do cry. Often. I don't usually tell
others this, because I'm the one who can heal wounds and
give streangth and cheer. I need somone who will comfort
me. I need someone I can adore, someone I can fight beside.
And when the fighting's done, I need someone I can rest in
the grass with. You know what I mean?