my life, my love and my happiness?
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2003-01-13 22:46:16 (UTC)

God.... is there really one ? iam starting to think so

i had a really well interesting talk with someone last
night that that made me realize that well maybe there is
someone watching over me.

I am sittin here eatin my mac and cheese thinking of what
we could be.....personaly i think we could be something
it all started the summer of 1998, the best summer of my
life. one filled with string cheese, go-gurt and
legos..oh man how i miss it so....... the endless summer
days of swimmin and bakein in the sun. no one cared and we
could run free..... now we are tied down by rules and
restrictions....and our lifes were filled with... well
what we thought was happiness then. then we drifted apart
but not really we still say each other in the morning and
in the i see you almost every hour of my
life and yeah.... when you really wanted me i turned you
down.... now i regret it more than anything in my life.
ughhhhh!!!!!! the pain i am now feeling of knowing that it
is all my fault that i am not with you hurts me so much. i
dont know what my deal is but i do know that i want you to
be a bigger part of my life. you are the only one who
understands me and my problems and knows what i need to
belive in to get through it all.
well now our lifes are filled with stupid worthless bull
shit and we dont know what to do,or how to deal. you hurt
other people while i hurt myself....i am getting more
retarted by the day and i just want to give up on it all.
i dont care about anyhthing any more all i do is cry.....
i have all i can do to get through the school day with out
breaking down. my happiness is an act and you say whos
isnt? i just wish my life was well.... semi perfict and
you being there would bring me one step closer.
oh man this kills me .... no i really feel like an
ass but i need ed to get it out i dont know if you are
going ot read this but if you do plz let me knw what you

When i am lost the rain * in your eyes i know * i'll find
the light to light my way * when i'm scared * loosing
ground * when my world is going crazy * you can turn it
all around and when i am down your there * pushing me to
the top * your always there giving me all youve got *

* for a sheald from the storm * for a friend * for a love
to keep me safe and warm * i turn to you * for the
strenght to be strong * for the will to carrie on * for
everything you do * I turn to you *

When I loose the will to win * I just reach for you * and
I can reach the sky again * I can do anything * cuz your
love is so amazing * cuz your love inspires me *and when I
need a friend * you are always on my side * giving me
faith , taking me through the night *

* for a sheald from the storm * for a friend * for a love
to keep me safe and warm * i turn to you * for the
strenght to be strong * for the will to carrie on * for
everything you do * I turn to you *

for the arms to be my shelter through all the rain * for
the truth that will never change * for someone to lean on
* for a heart can rely on through any thing * for the one
that I can run to * I turn to you !

ok so yeah so my mom got home around 6 and she didnt even say hi to
me it really bothers me how she just rushes over to him and has a
conversation with him before her own daughter. then she made
dinner....stir fry yummy but she was fucking wating on him hand and
foot what the fuck is that he dose have arms and legs.... get it
your self you fucking ass hole!!!!! ok so kayla imed me and we were
talking about how weired mike is some times and then i got kicked
off thank god b/c it was kinda acward. oh yeah mike told me that i
killed her today and i was like what the fuck are ya talking about
and he was like you killed her and that was all that he said to me
about that. then katrina went and told kayla that he said it and
then she imed me telling you didnt kill me.... ok i dont
know what that was all about but ok. school sucked ass today amy is
kinda being a bitch about that whole ride to school thing so i am
trying to find a way for me and jay to get to school another way but
i really dont think that is is going to work out in the end. ughhh
why do ppl have to be homosexual all the time. yeah i wanted to kill
everyone all day and i dont know why....but i guess i dealt with it
all in the right way.i just minded my own buisness and went on my
way being depressed. then the bus ride homw me and jay just talked
about stupid shit and bla bla bla...... then i got home and i wanted
a cigg so bad and ass hole was home so that didnt happen. fucking A!
i hate this house so much!!!! i just want everything to stop for
just a few min.....just nothingness and silence and no worries for
like 5 min out of every day. i really need to talk again plz come on
soon. now i am trying to get some home work done but yeah like
always i dont feel like doing it but i did my math so everything is
all good. right? yeah i wish........
watching:7th heaven

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