chaoticxpression

my simple small world
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2003-01-13 20:47:33 (UTC)

the holocaust was nothing compared to my lividly

hey.....
I've been feeling slightly depressed the past couple of
days.
I have no idea why though....
I got to hang out with Alan the other nite...
we drove around and whatnot....I have alot of fun with him.
It bothers me how much I care for him....I've cared about
people in the past, but not this much.It's not that I'm
worried that feelings aren't mutual (I'm expecting they're
not and I'm ok with that), and it's not that I want
anything to change...
I guess I'm just fucked up in the head.
************************************************************
I went to another baby appt. today.In 3 weeks I'll be 7
months.That means at that point 2-3 months to go.(full term
is really 10 months..)I am TERRIFIED of giving birth...
I have no idea why...Also I'm really scared of ripping or
getting an episiotomy.I don't want anyone in the room with
me.To see me like that.Laying on some bed screaming in pain
watching me sweat as I try to bring life into this twisted
world.Everything is just scarey to me..
************************************************************
I'm ready for this mild depression to end....


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