The days of my life
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2001-09-10 14:34:08 (UTC)

The strangeness never ends.

Well, last night we had a cookout with two of our friends.
Of course they are a couple, so imagine the wierdness of
the night. It's not like it was a bad thing... it was just
like... well, kind of like being like your parents. For me
that was just bizzarre. This whole living with Dave thing
is bugging me out. I want to be a couple with him and by
living here it feels like we are... I don't know if that is
something that I can take for much longer. I mean, i feel
like I belong in an alternate universe or something. I
don't know how much longer I can actually stand this and
not either go insane or kill myself... I let him continue
to hurt me and drive me crazy. I just want to find someone
to love and have them love me back. I am sooooo tired of
being alone. I just want to puke. No one believes in love
anymore. I think that I am starting to give up on it. I
thought that I found it... I thought that I found the one
that I am going to marry... You know they say you will know
when you meet the one you are going to marry... and I still
know that it is Dave. That point is driving me mad!!! I
just have to be patient and wait... but I have decided that
if someone comes along the way... well that is cool too.
For now I really need to throw myself into work and school
and get both of those up to par. Maybe then things will
fall into place. life just needs to find it's balance
again. I know it will soon. Why does love have to be such a
painful experience? Isn't it supposed to feel good? I guess
that is the problem it does feel good and it makes everyone
else go and look for it, cause it is a great thing. That is
enough for today. I will talk to you again soon.