KKKKatie

Katie's Journal
2003-01-13 01:51:29 (UTC)

My Fun Weekend

Where to do I start? Frankie and I broke up...I guess
that's as good a place as any to start. It was not fun by
any means. Not that I would have expected to be or
anything, but still. I think it was the right thing to
do, but for now it really sucks. I was ok all night
Friday because I was at Josh's, but ever since then I've
been feeling pretty crappy. I'm not sure if I was happy
at Josh's because I was distracted, it hadn't sunk in yet,
or because maybe I never completely got over him (Josh)
like I thought/hoped. I think it's a little bit of all
three.

In the back of my mind I was sorta hoping that
things would happen like they did at Harry's. But they
didn't. Maybe it wasn't my desire for Josh but my desire
for someone/anyone to hold me and tell me they love me
since it looks like (for now at least) I don't have
anybody there to do that for me now. We fell asleep
together on the couch and he rubbed my back and held my
hand and I felt so loved and warm and tingly--Good Stuff.
Ever since I left his house I've been really mopey and
sad...Not because I left and wasn't Josh with me (ok,
maybe a little), but mostly because of the other two
reasons that I didn't feel like that at Josh's.

I got to work Saturday and genius Nick came in and told me
he saw my boyfriend today, but he looked sad. For
whatever reason, Trey said it was because he wasn't my
boyfriend anymore, even though he had no way of knowing
and was trying (and failing) to make a joke. So that set
me off, hearing someone call him my boyfriend, probably
for the last time. I cried like a loser by the sink for a
while and Britt and Trey came back to cheer me up. Even
Nick came to give me a hug, and we're really not very
close. And Josh (my brother) came back and talked to me
about what happened, which is really unusual because he
ususally plays the role of apathetic, uncaring, usually
jerk-ish brother. I have to say, it wasn't a bad change.

Frankie came by to get dinner for his parents and I talked
to him, which was awkward because all I wanted to do was
hug him and cry. But I didn't, obvioiusly. I think the
other people in the restaurant would have thought I was
crazy. So I called him when I got home and cried then
instead. After that I called Josh, hoping that he could
make me feel better. He did, a little, but not as much as
I hoped.

So I went to sleep really early, slept through
Sunday School, which I still feel guilty about because
Dale always makes everything seem less hopeless. But then
I went to help in the nursery, which was pointless because
nobody brought their kids to church today. So I went home
and packed, and went to lunch and shopping with my mom.
Normally that would have been cool, but she only wanted to
pump me for info.

So when I got home I loaded my stuff up and went to see Frankie
before I came back to school. That was completely awful. I just
cried a lot and made myself question whether or not it was the right
thing to do. I think it was, but it's still hard. It's like I lost
my right arm or something. He's been everything to me for the past
16 months and now he's gone. Hopefully we'll be able to stay
friends, because I know he really needs it right now. Ok, I'll stop
ranting now. I'll probably just start a new entry or something.
G'nite
*Katie*




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