eidolon

shifting mists
2001-09-10 07:02:18 (UTC)

responsibility ...

... how is it that i was missing you before i even left? ...
that my eyes burned with tears ... reaching through the
window like grabbing for a lifeline .. it hurt to let go ...
i wanted to stop right there in the middle of the street ...
park my car and stay .... but knew that i couldn't .... i
have responsibilities ... to myself ... to Melanie ... it's
not time yet ... not time yet to stay .... but .. i know
it's coming ...

If i give my heart to you
Will you handle it with care?
Will you always treat me tenderly?
And in every way be fair?

... how is it that you saw my cloud? ... i hide it so well
.. most people don't even realize that there is a fog
covering my vision .. let alone are able to pick it out as
easily as you did .... there are very few people that i have
met ever who could do that .... it surprised me ... i'd
thought i was hiding it so well .... and it worried me ..
because it was a grey cloud, not a black one and yet it
affected you so deeply ... with that being the case, what
would a black one do? ...

If i give my heart to you
Will you give me all your love?
Will you swear that you'll be true to me?
By the light that shines above?

... family is important ... i know that you say not to worry
about it ... bit it is important .... i mean ... look at me
and how dysfunctional my family is .. and yet i can even say
this .. stress it .... ~family is important~ ... i want
yours to like me .... it bothers me that they might not -
even though i try to not let it .... i know not everyone in
the world can like me ... but ... it is still a niggling
worry ...

And will you sigh with me when i'm sad?
Smile with me when i'm glad?
And always be as you were with me last night?

... you said that you are asking a lot from me .... which is
true .. and okay for it doesn't seem insurmountable to me
... at least, not with you there with me .... and i told you
that i was asking a lot of you as well ... which i am ... i
couldn't describe it at the time .... but ... it is asking a
lot to be asking you to help me fulfill my dream ... because
my dream is dependant upon more than just me ... it is
dependant upon you ... it is asking a lot to ask someone to
become responsible for another person .. to ask them if you
can be dependant upon them ... not "depend on them" (though
that is part of it), but dependant upon them .... there is a
huge difference there ...

Think it over and be sure
Please don't answer till you do
When you promise all these things to me
Then i'll give my heart to you

... you act like what i'm asking is nothing ... is "no big
thing" and it makes me worry if you realize what you'd be
getting into ... makes me wonder if you're really prepared
.... or if it is just that any apprehensions or worries you
have are all just not .. expressed .... i wish they were
.... i think it would make me feel better if i knew what
they were ... that you were worried or if you were scared ..
what you were thinking .... dunno ... i don't want to get
you into anything you're not prepared for i guess ....

Lyrics courtesy of the song "If I Give My Heart To You"
by Nat King Cole




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