2001-09-10 03:08:45 (UTC)

i will never be good enough for..

i will never be good enough for you.
keep reminding me.
but im the only one.
whos ever tried to be.
are these scars supposed to reflect your love.
and all that you would do for me.
you hate me to love me.
and i am drifting.
im drifting away from this pain.
the line was crossed long ago.
when i was ten.
and you told me i couldnt be human.
because i liked something you didnt.
and i hated you from that point on.
i hate you.
i hate you because i love you.
and you hate me because you love me.
there will never be an end to any of this.
any of the many things in my life
that have been started and left to dim to dust.
i wanted to be your burning star.
i wanted to be there for your hugs.
i would have been so good to you.
i could have been there.
blank walls.
and empty stares.
dinner tables
vacant chairs.
the hatered is immense.
bouncing off the walls.
with childhood innocense.
regret is not a vurtue.
its an understanding.
i didnt mean to hurt you.
and you lied to bring my tears.
you lied to me.
and i died for you. so many fuckgin years.
can you tell me why.
why i am expected to always be alright.
and why all of this.
was shoved in my face.
i never asked for this.
and i dont know where i am supposed to pull the strength
from anymore.
i dont know how im doing this now.
and i dont know how much longer i can hold out.
this is not a cry for sympathy.
this is not a display of suicidal tendancies.
i just dont understand.
and i cant deal with this anymore.
i cant handle this pain.
day to day.
i cant deal.