The Nightshade Princess
2001-09-10 02:42:34 (UTC)

but i never meant to fade away....

Father came home drunk tonight. Truly, I am
scared... I swore to mother that I would leave him if he
did this to me. "He's an alcoholic," she said, "and he
will be for the rest of his life. He can't go back to
drinking like he's done and not have trouble later on..."
I understood this, but it frightened me. I just don't want
to be here, or ANYWHERE, for that matter. Lestat, this one
is for you. If you weren't here, and if I did not love you
as much as I do... Some peopel say that I am too young to
feel anything as intense as I do for him, but I could prove
them all wrong, if only I could let them into my heart and
mind. He has broken the spell of my distrust in men, and
has made me smile when no one else could. I wouild gladly
give my life for him, and would follow him even to a
Christian church or a sports game in the sun in mid-july,
even though he wouldn't go to these places unless he was
forced. I have given him my password, that he can read
these inner whispers of my soul.
Father's predicament brings to mind this song by Staind
called "fade," the chorus of which is this:

I just needed someone to talk to
And you were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel
Like I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching is the bed that I
have made...
I'll type the whole song during the next entry.
I must leave now,
peace unto thee all,