Bringing me down

Stripped into Nothing
2003-01-12 05:57:12 (UTC)

I am Beautiful

I'm listening to the static on the radio wondering exactly
how long it takes someone to grow up. How many traumatic
things must they see and live through before they loose
their innocence and that tint of naieve leaves their skin?

I keep thinking maybe I'm growing up, finally. I've seen
enough. I've been through more than a normal eighteen year
old should be through. I've heard just about all of it. And
I've tasted all the wines. Am I grown up yet?

He says I'm not because I throw a crying fit when I hear
*her* voice on *our* answering machine.


It isn't that I don't trust him, because I trust him. I've
trusted him when he left me no reason to. Lord knows I've
trusted him when I shouldn't have. I know now that I would
trust him with my bear heart if it came down to it.
I.just.don't.trust.HER.

* _____________________________________ *

In other news. I was complimented deeply by my eyes today.
I have never been complimented on my eyes. Maybe my boobs
or butt, but never just my eyes. I always thought they were
my best feature too, which is why I went heavy on the
glitter and extravagant eye makeup when we hit up clubs or
a rave. It made me feel good. Real good.

Better than he made me feel when I called today to talk
since I'm down out of town for college again. He wanted to
talk, but he had company and wasn't paying attention so I
let him go. He got upset. I told him he had
company. "They'll be okay" he had said. Well...that isn't
what you said when *she* was over at your house and I was
at home alone and crying and depressed. "I have company,
it'd be rude for me to sit here and blab on the phone all
night, babydoll" he had said that night. Never have I
wanted to hang up on him until that second. I didn't, of
course. I'm too weak to stand up to him. I spoke those
words, though. The ones I just wrote. He got mad. I let him
go either way to attend to his company. He called later and
everything was apparently okay. Men are so weird. I will
never understand their mood swings, nor a woman's. If a
woman could get me pregnant and offer me the family a man can, I
might go strictly lesbian,
but until that day, I'll stick with my lovely fiancee.

* The night is so dark when you're alone *




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