RazorBlade

MidnightMayhem
2003-01-12 05:26:16 (UTC)

by myself...

So today sucked. My mom wouldnt let me go anywhere so i
decided to stay in my room the whole day. I talked to
silvia or slept for the majority of the day. I feel so numb
and immune to everything. I find myself just sitting there
with the lights off on my bed looking off into space. My
mind completely blank...not a single thought running thru
my head. I just sit there. I think im still weak from last
night. I havent eaten in a while and whatever i have eaten
hasnt been all that much. Then last nite while i was
talking to logan i was basically crying the whole
conversation only i was trying to hide it so that took
double the amount of energy. Finally when we got off the
phone i sat up and i couldnt walk straight, and everything
was blurry so i stumbled well more like crawled over to the
light switch and turned off the lights. i didnt have the
energy to make it back to my bed so i collapsed on the
floor and just cried like a child for a couple more hours
and then all of a sudden it was 10 o'clock and my dad was
waking me up. I basically spent the rest of the day in a
total and complete daze. I couldnt tell you what i talked
to silvia about or what i even ate today. I dont see a
point in trying. The more i try the more shit that comes my
why. I just want to sit in my room and never leave. My room
in my sanctuary...my room is my prison. Its the only place
i can go to be alone, its the only place i go to do the
unknown. I know i hurt my parents by never talking to them
or "socializing" with everyone. I know it bothers them that
im not some straight A perfect student. I know they hate
the fact i hardly follow there rules. But why is it that
thats all anyone ever sees? Is that all that matters to
them? socializing, grades, and rules? No wonder im so
miserable here. Sorri to break it to my parents but theres
more to me than that. Alot more.




Ad: