Lydia

Uber-emotional Apathy Pit
2003-01-12 03:49:06 (UTC)

Putty in the hands of a sweet boy

1/12/03

PUTTY!!! UTTER AND UNINHIBITED LUST FOR WHAT I KNOW I
CANNOT HAVE!

Why is the human mind so superficial :( Grrr, I know I
must stop and control this silliness. It is like my
feelings regarding Cute boy Peter Butler, or Cute Boy
number 2, Brendan Mullan, but worse, much worse because I
do not really have any feelings for either of them. I know
hardly anything about them and have not led a meaningful
conversation with either Butler or Mullan. They are merely
eye-candy to the fullest extant. I regard Peter Butler as
my ideal of physical perfection. Mullan is also such but
he is more chisled, hard, harsh. Less cute and boyish. I
like them cute and boyish. I like the skinny white guys.
Like Adam. Adam and his pretty blue eyes. Adam and his
boyish personality. Adam and his chem-engineering major.
Adam and his very curly and painfully cute hair that I
yearn to touch. (No, I don't have a hair fetish damn
it :p)

Sometimes when this happens I become aloof. Well, i suppose it has
only happened one other time. But does this situation face the same
fate? I have thought too much. Too many free and
uninhibited thoughts. Just tell myself I do not care, I do
not know, I do not feel what may exist and this does not
matter, that nothing really matters but grades and scores,
tests and classes...That is my future. Gotta hurry, must
study.... but I know I won't....ahhh...

This diary is definetly not one of my more productive
pastimes :p

What have I gotten myself involved in...

Grr....*mutter, mumble, complain*




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