ladycamaro

Lady Camaro
2003-01-11 19:48:26 (UTC)

No Sleep Can Cause Problems...

So an update on my life. Well let's see....Thursday night me
and John (my fiance) had a little fight. Kailee has been
very hyper lately in the late evenings/nights. It is usually
the time when John gets home. So I figure it has to do with
him. She is so excited to see him and she over does it.
Jumping on him, throwing toys, and running around like a
chicken with its head cut off. She is usually pretty good
during the day when it is just me and her. She will listen
(as much as a toddler can) but when he is home she ignores
everything I say. Her focus is mostly on him then. I haven't
been sleeping hardly at all lately which is causing me to
feel miserable. And I am sure that is only making me more
irratible.

Thursday night was just getting to me so much. The room was
a mess (you could hardly see the floor) though it was
competely clean only hours before. I was tired and just
couldn't handle her yelling and attitude. I commented that
it was because of John being there. He gave me "The Look." I
told him that I went through the same thing with my little
sister and parents (Dad and Step-Mom). That I was the one to
set the rules and that she knew that she couldn't get away
with everything with me. That he was the "fun" parent. She
always over does things with him and he gives in too easily
to her. Well he basically growled and started to ignore me.
I asked him a few times what was wrong after some time but
he would say nothing with that tone that I know he is lying.

Finally he broke down (after I left the room since I
couldn't handle being near him anymore) and said that I
compared him to my step-mom and was pissed (and hurt though
he didn't actually say it though I could see it). I told him
I didn't just in theory. That I was always the rule setter
with each "kid" I had a hand in raising. With my brother
when we lived with my Grandma and my Dad and also with my
sister too. I was the "mother" figure. Everyone else either
gave in or didn't care. Now I find myself in the same
position with Kailee. Needless to say we talked things out
and we are fine and he understands what I was trying to say.
But I hate being in the same position as before. I feel
alone in raising her. I know he goes to work so I can stay
at home though he doesn't help with her. He doesn't change
diapers, feed her (unless he is giving her bits of his
food), or take her so I can get a break.

I do come online one night a week (on top of my every
afternoon besides Sundays). Before Kailee was born I was
always on at nights. That is when most of my closest friends
are online. So to keep my sanity and to try and reconnect
with my friends I started recently to come on at night that
one night but it makes a big difference....to me at least. I
figured it would give me a little break and Kailee could
spend some alone time with John. Though it doesn't work out
that way. You saw that one coming didn't you? Well he either
watches TV and he hasn't mastered watching TV and keeping an
eye on her at the same time. Or he plays games on the
computer and still doesn't watch her. So she runs around the
house getting into stuff or being bad and who has to go
after her you ask? Me of course! I have to run between the
computer and her half the night trying to mantain order in
the house so she doesn't destory the place which I would
have to clean the next day anyway. So much for my break but
I need that night to keep my sanity even if it isn't what it
is supposed to be.

Got a bit off topic but that's me for you. ~laughs~ That
leads me to yesterday (Friday). John gets out of work
earlier on Fridays. But as soon as he came home he was
getting ready to leave again. To look at a couple houses. He
is getting into real estate though for us to get a house of
our own hasn't happened yet. We have one house that still
needs some work before we rent it out. Though I will talk
about this subject more in detail later. He went to look at
two houses then came back and yet again was about to head
out the door. To go pick up the pictures of the film we got
developed. Now usually I have to bug him to do this cause I
have no life and I get excited about the pictures and how
they turned out. See how pathetic my life is? ~laughs~
Anyway he was more than ready to go get them. I think maybe
he was trying to get out of the house....more specifically
away from me. As I mentioned before I haven't been sleeping
and that is just the tip of my problems physically....or so
it seems. So I know I haven't been the greatest person to be
around lately. Just seems odd to me coming from him. Maybe I
am just over-reacting some.

As for today (Saturday) the football game is on in a couple
hours. The Steelers are playing the Titans. I am hoping they
can beat them. I am excited about the game. Can you believe
that this is Bill Cowher's 11th year coaching Pittsburgh?
And out of them 11 years, we have been to the playoffs 8
times? That is a damn good record. Though we have yet to win
the SuperBowl while he has been head coach. Maybe this year
will be the year? We will have to wait and see. Though I say
that every year. ~giggles~ So I am a little biased.

Well hopefully I can get a good night's sleep tonight so
that way I am less emotional and moody. That's it for today.




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