tjdillingham

Feb 12 2001 today has been a..

Feb 12 2001

today has been a pretty rough day for me...lots of things
happened....mainly two....first of all...christie is still
the main topic on my mind..and has been for the last couple
of weeks...anyways..my feelings grow stronger for her
everyday and i decided to ask her to make something
official..so i wouldnt have to worry about other guys
comming in and her finding someone new and more exciting
and better...but she didnt say yes..she said that she
wanted to wait till she knew me better and didnt want to
rush..which i totally respect....i dont really understand
that....but if that is what she wants..then she will get
it....the other thing that happened was my jazz
concert...christie said she wasnt gonna come..so it kinda
bummed me out...but i didnt really let it get to me..i
recorded it onto my MiniDisc and all....i think overall i
played fairly well....but ya know....one of the hardest
things to do is play what you feel like in the moment..and
miles davis said, "it takes a long time to play like
yourself" which is very true...tonite i feel as if i did
accomplish something...which..i played like i felt..which
was a lot of things...sad, upset, angry, stupid, and
embarassed....but most of those feelings came from
christie...my solos were blues based..and any musician in
the audience would have noticed the intesity of those
solos....it actually kinda broke my heart.....i still think
about her constantly...nothing has changed....i really
should stop here for now.....

i also asked her to be my valentine....but i guess she
didnt like that idea either.....
well i am out for now...
be back in a few days.

tj