looking past it all

through being cool
2003-01-11 06:17:13 (UTC)

To whom it may concern

To whom it may concern-
Why is it that no matter how hard i try no matter how
badly i want to i can never forget or put it behind me? I
wish I could re-live all last summer! Parts of it were
great while others i cryed! The crying was worth it
thought, b/c i had so much fun w/ you! (when you wernt
being selfish, or complaining about things that you couldnt
change, or being to wasted to talk or walk or leing about
me!)
I was so blind,i just wanted to believe what you told
me! I wanted things to be good! I wanted things to be like
you said they were! It was wonderful thinking that you
were perfect! But like all good things it all came
crashing downward, and it hit, and when it eventually did,
it hit hard! I realized you were a fake, i realized you
never followed through and that what you said was just to
win my affection, not because you really believed it! Now
that i think about it you did that a lot, you told ppl what
they wanted to hear. you frequently told me you loved me
although i never replied sometimes i think you were my 1st
love and i'm just too affraid of love to admit it! If you
dont fall in love you can't get hurt right....wrong!
Remeber when we layed on my roof and looked at the
stars? Remember when we went to the concert? Remeber all
those things we did? I do! I wish i didnt thought!
I read your e-mails and i didnt know weither i wanted
to be sick or cry, or maybe both at the same time! I kind
of feel like the night we broke up the 1st time when you
came to my house and i cryed while i layed w/ you on my
couch in my basement! 1/2 hurt, 1/2 sick...words cant
describe it.
I know things wont ever be the same in any aspect, b/c
now i know how you are. I know what i didnt know before.
No matter what happens i know you will always resort back
to your moody backstabbing ways, one mineut your my best
friend and then next i'm a stupid cunt that you never want
to speak to again.
You preformed one act (numerous times) out of lust,
and it made me rethink eveything that i had ever thought of
you! It made me realize and open my eyes. You always told
me to open my eyes, you always told me that the world was
blind, now my eyes are wide open and as far as i can tell
yours are wide shut! You said things but obviously didnt
mean it! you told me i was too young to understand, well
now i do! i trusted you b/c i thought you were so much
older and weiser, well i found that your wisdom wasnt
yours, you ripped it off of others and claimed it to be
origanal!
Sometimes i would give anything for things to go back
to the wonderful way that they were and other times i wish
nothing more than to never have to see you or speak to you
again! I think i blocked the bad times out, and only
remebered the good things, so really i miss something that
wasnt ever there! i miss a figment of my imagination! You
pretend to be my friend then you say derogitory things
about me to my friends behind my back! ohh yes! thats my
favorite thing! i wish i had more friends like you!
no you knwo what i really wish i wish i'd never have to
think of you again!

yours truly
me!

if only i had the guts to send this to whom it was ment for!




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