The Nightshade Princess
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2003-01-11 04:51:01 (UTC)


I had another anxiety attack today. The entire day
felt wrong. My thought processes were completely jammed,
and I could concentrate on nothing. My unease built as the
day wore on, cresting tonight at the mall. I ended up
coming apart in a friend's car, shaking convuslively with
rampant paranoia. I sincerely believe that something is
going to happen... Most disturbingly of all, though, is
the fact that I had intermittent bouts of the same
convulsive trembling in shortening spurts for what had to
have been an hour afterward, in addition to the post-attack
weeping that is always done.
I'm working this weekend. I was originally scheduled
only for Monday and Thursday, however my mom basically
forced me into Saturday since she knows the people who run
the business and knew they would be swamped. I told her
specifically NO saturdays, that I would do additional
Sundays, but I wanted at least one day off. I am not even
sure when I get off, but I'm going to be done at 5 either
way. She gave me a guilt trip about working this Sunday,
too. That really hurt, especially since I had that
breakdown earlier. She is mad at me because I really don't
want to throw away my weekend. Between school and work, I
am in motion almost as long as she is, yet she still gives
me a hard time. I understand that they may need some help
on Sunday, but keep in mind, readers, that I have almost NO
muscle mass.. this is no exaggeration, as those who know me
can attest. I can only do so much, and at the moment, I am
somewhere near exhaustion and breakdown again just from
school and homelife, and the work I'm expected to do
already. I'm supposed to be in two places at once a great
deal during the next 2 weeks, in addition to coming early
on Tuesday and Wednesday. I have Dracula practice I
believe afterschool everyday except Wed. next week, and I
don't even want to be in the fucking play. I feel like
such shit at the moment...

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